Banter provided by Cad and Leis

(updated 30 May 03)

Really Bad Other Screw-ups On 'American Idol'

Airing the soul-numbing dreck in the first place. (MooseSpeak@earthlink.net)

Ryan gets recording contract - Clay hosts AI3! (PromoDiva11@aol.com)

Screw ups?.. on the Final American Idol Paula kissed Simon... and ohhhhhhhhhhh did she screw up... now he calls between sessions with hookers. (jeriandgeo@aol.com) Don't you mean "auditions"?

Clay was ineligible from Day 1, as he is really a 13 year-old girl. (Cheez412@aol.com)

Stagehand in wrong place at wrong time catches Simon's eye, wins hands down! (craigieb@aol.com)

Simon mistaken for a man with a stick firmly up his butt. (kamasushi@aol.com) You mean he doesn't'?

Okay, Clay, Ruben, say hello to your new panel of guest judges. Axl Rose, Tiffany, John Oates, and that guy who was supposed to play drums for the Beatles. (Belushimcc@yahoo.com)

They showed to much of Ryan and not enough of me. I'm like a virgin touched for the very first time. (iluvfriends247@aol.com) Wow, if only you could work that into a song, somehow!

Making a second one. (Danko93@cs.com)

Gilded, blood-stained statue of Moloch chosen as one of the ten finalists. (williemelmoth@aol.com)

Somehow, a Russian guy wearing prison garb showed up during early taping. (YeIIowRoseOTX@aol.com)

The stylists got his hair just right, dressed him to the nines...only overlooking one thing..they forgot to wash the Dork out of Clay!! OOPS! (KatSut78@aol.com) Wait...his hair was JUST RIGHT??

Paula gets drunk and screams out the winners name before the first cut. (JoyfulDJoy@aol.com)

Using contestants who wandered in from "Fear Factor" by mistake. (junkmailmagnet42@aol.com) "Okay, so hold this rattlesnake and sing something by Paul Anka..." Now, THAT'S a show I'd watch!

Simon says something nice. (Luckily, it was cut from the show.) (murdoctor@aol.com)

The winners:

Considering that it's on FOX, I don't doubt it:

Clay is really Mo Vaughn of the New York Mets. (motorbreath2000@netscape.net)

Well...he was my auto shop teacher, is that a problem?...

Dedicating your performance to your teacher who let you have free lessons in exchange for letting him touch you a little. (SSCompose@aol.com)