Banter provided by Cad and Leis

(Updated 31 Oct 05)

Really Bad Signs You Aren't Cut Out To Be A Juror

Really like the first half of Law & Order, but typically change the channel after about 40 minutes. (

Every time you are sitting with a group of people you can't help but start doing the wave. (;

What sane judge would let BUCKO be a juror? ( Maybe worse yet...what sane website owner would let you be a judge? ;)

I have a hard time just deciding what SHOES to wear in the morning. (

You have to look up the word, "guilty" in the dictionary ( Oops, I looked up "gilt" instead, and now the defendant's all shiny-golden.

During jury selection the first thing both lawyers do is look at you, look at each other, laugh and in unison say, "Number 6, you're excused". (

"I think the twelve of us can take that snobby judge. C'mon, who's ready to fight?" (

My attention span is too short, which means... (

You've done the same thing the guy on the trial did...only better. (

You ask if it's ok if you come an hour late for the court proceedings tomorrow because you don't want to miss Sears' Early Bird Sale. (

Henry Fonda couldn't even change your mind once its made up. ( One day I'll get around to seeing this film.

My inability to refrain from screaming at the judge to "Hit them with your little justice hammer, your majesty!" (

Tattoo on left bicep says "Kill 'em All and Let God Sort It Out!" (;

Your name is Gil T. Azhell. (;

You want to wear a T-shirt to court promoting your offshore lawsuit betting website. (

You think sequestered has something to do with the host of American Idol. (

If the accused is a man, I'm voting guilty! Bitter? No, not me... ( Hey, can I sit next to you in the jury box?

You think 'appellate' is something shot from a gun. (

During the boring parts, you and the others play a game of "hangman". (

Despite repeated warnings from the judge, you keep shouting "Let's Give Him the Chair!"---in small claims court. ( Well, if we did, he would never shoplift again, right?

You can never remember whether it is "Guilty 'til proven innocent", or "Innocent 'til proven guilty". (

You were an Olympic judge in Russia. (

You think "perjury" means the pay rate you'll receive. (

You already have half the other jurors listed in a "Found Guilty What Day?" pool...and the pot is up to $1550. (

You snore. (

You bring a headless chicken and some entrails with you to the proceedings. ( Then all the other jurors start murmuring "fry 'em"...? Oh this one's always good for a laugh.

You keep referring to the bailiff as "oh, waiter". (

I wonder which I'll make more money on a book deal with, voting guilty or innocence? ( As long as the book comes with crayons, who cares?

Don't you hate it when it turns out you slept with the defendant? (;

Constantly complaining to the person next to you about that one guy who just has to type out anything anyone says. (

Like me, you throw out the jury duty notice thinking, "If they REALLY wanted me they'd have sent this via registered mail" and then you go back to playing your Playstation. ( You know, I've always thought this.

You drink Lite Beer, but you can't decide for which reason. (

"MOM! Get on the freakin' stand, already!" (

Can't resist the urge to pull up on your necktie like a noose whenever you see a defendant. (;

Hey, the meth lab doesn't run itself! (

The support group meets Tuesdays and Thursdays...

As a child you watched in horror as feral lawyers ate your family. (

Well...then you'll already be AT the court...

The date conflicts with your own arraignment. (