Banter provided by Cad and Leis

(updated 3 Feb 03)

Really Bad Things Heard at John Thompson's (7-Eleven's Slurpee Pioneer) Funeral

I hear his grave is going to be marked by two tomb stones. His name will be on the left one and an "Out Of Order" sign on the right one. (fparsons@yahoo.com)

They're doing WHAT with the body?! FLAVOR OF THE WEEK???!!! (MooseSpeak@earthlink.net)

....and with all the preservatives from the Slurpee, he'll never decompose. (FreeLooseDirt@sbcglobal.net) Say hi to Walt Disney for me....

Well, that's what happens when you make a bet that 'curry' flavor would be the next big thing. (kamasushi@aol.com)

This ends our service and remember...we've just added a new flavor. (Luvsmstngs@aol.com) Uh, I'm not asking.

Are cremation urns supposed to come with straws with spoons on one end? (SpinyNorma@aol.com)

Ice cubes to ice cubes ... cups to cups ... (RasGold@aol.com) Yea, though I walk past the aisle of chips and pretzels, I shall show no fear....

It's a good thing he wasn't cryogenically frozen, I don't think the mixers could take him, he's much better off cremated. (MindgameFiziks@hotmail.com)

I wonder what he did from eleven to seven? (Baitsmotel6@aol.com)

He looked really good except for that awful purple ring around his mouth. (lacee7700@aol.com)

I hear his wife was frigid. (MooseSpeak@earthlink.net) Aha! Now we know where he got the idea.

We purchased this state of the art rotating casket to keep him cold. (complexhippie@aol.com)

I know he looks great..we had him on ice! (izonorion@aol.com)

I heard he died from brain freeze. (lacee7700@aol.com) Special thanks to all 5,000 of you who sent in this one!

We're all just like so many pennies at the register give-and-take tray: Sometimes the Lord giveth a penny and sometimes He taketh away. (TerriKlein@aol.com)

Viewing will be between the hours of 7 am and 11 pm. (YeIIowRoseOTX@aol.com) Remember...no shoes, no shirt...no seeing the service.

We gather here today to Berry Berry a legend.... (casstigator@yahoo.com)

The winners:

Uh, he did want the small size, right?...

It will take a while to bury him. They are digging the hole with one of those funny shaped straws with the scoop on the end. (rsherman@netplexgroup.com)

This one left me cold...and in Cherry Coke flavor!:

Should we start a collection for a slush fund in his name? (pec@gis.net)