Banter provided by Cad and Leis

(updated 3 Feb 03)

Really Bad Things Heard at John Thompson's (7-Eleven's Slurpee Pioneer) Funeral

I hear his grave is going to be marked by two tomb stones. His name will be on the left one and an "Out Of Order" sign on the right one. (

They're doing WHAT with the body?! FLAVOR OF THE WEEK???!!! (

....and with all the preservatives from the Slurpee, he'll never decompose. ( Say hi to Walt Disney for me....

Well, that's what happens when you make a bet that 'curry' flavor would be the next big thing. (

This ends our service and remember...we've just added a new flavor. ( Uh, I'm not asking.

Are cremation urns supposed to come with straws with spoons on one end? (

Ice cubes to ice cubes ... cups to cups ... ( Yea, though I walk past the aisle of chips and pretzels, I shall show no fear....

It's a good thing he wasn't cryogenically frozen, I don't think the mixers could take him, he's much better off cremated. (

I wonder what he did from eleven to seven? (

He looked really good except for that awful purple ring around his mouth. (

I hear his wife was frigid. ( Aha! Now we know where he got the idea.

We purchased this state of the art rotating casket to keep him cold. (

I know he looks great..we had him on ice! (

I heard he died from brain freeze. ( Special thanks to all 5,000 of you who sent in this one!

We're all just like so many pennies at the register give-and-take tray: Sometimes the Lord giveth a penny and sometimes He taketh away. (

Viewing will be between the hours of 7 am and 11 pm. ( shoes, no seeing the service.

We gather here today to Berry Berry a legend.... (

The winners:

Uh, he did want the small size, right?...

It will take a while to bury him. They are digging the hole with one of those funny shaped straws with the scoop on the end. (

This one left me cold...and in Cherry Coke flavor!:

Should we start a collection for a slush fund in his name? (