Banter provided by Cad and Leis

(Updated 3 Oct 05)

Really Bad Signs You're Dating/Married to a Narcissist

Monogrammed towels in the bathroom read "Hers" and "Wishes It Were Hers." (shep@peoplepc.com)

There's always lipstick smeared on the mirror. (old.curmudgeon@hmoforum.com)

During sex she screams her own name. (fparsons@yahoo.com; nstn@statefarm.com) Still better than the dog's.

Your wedding cake only has your husband on it. (manpretty@gmail.com)

Every time you say I love you he/she responds with "me too!" (manpretty@gmail.com; RasGold@aol.com)

Diddy wouldn't let her into his party because she was "sporting too much bling." (atwright73@yahoo.com) When's he gonna just shorten it to "Duh"?

His name is "Hugh Briss". (cmndrnineveh@aol.com)

He's got even more shoes than ME. (DaphnetheRed@yahoo.com)

After sex, she absolutely insists on hearing the Olympic Games theme. (guitartexn@aol.com) ...And don't get me started on the whole torch-lighting-thing she had me do...

She had the wedding photos done before you got there. (shep@peoplepc.com)

Having to wear a bag over your head during sex is bad enough. But yours has mirrors taped to the outside. (mcsestretch@hotmail.com)

Your name is "Echo". (cmndrnineveh@aol.com) He could just be a Bunnyman, ya know?

At the wedding ceremony when the Minister said "The Bride may now kiss herself." (richdiandkids@optonline.net)

His pick-up line when you first met? "Hey baby, where have I been all your life?" (Jdoveraz@aol.com)

She's named Mimi. (Get it, "me me".... hahaha.. ha.. ha....) (tainsam@aol.com) We are so happy you are entertaining yourself with your own jokes here at HMO....uh...I guess that's what...oh nevermind.

Has you take his picture specifically for the purpose of putting it up on the Forum. (HerzogVon@aol.com)

She paid Morris Day to rent out his mirror carrier, Jerome, for a week. (atwright73@yahoo.com)

She drives a pink Mary Kay Cadillac--and she's her only customer. (jaynashvil@aol.com)

Your wife insisted that she walk down the aisle twice. (old.curmudgeon@hmoforum.com) So...she's Mormon?

Your date never comes out of the house of mirrors at the fair. (dorr@jam.rr.com)

You really do live in a glass house. (lacee7700@aol.com)

Takes him 2 hours to polish the rims on his car. (jdcoops3@aol.com) It's either the rims or this...

Anybody want to discuss extra long showers? Yep, enough said! (WJKbase@aol.com)

The only reason they took up opera lessons is so they can warm up by singing "me me me me meeeee". (ParisIuvsMe@aol.com)

Says things like "I care about your feelings. How do you feel about me?" (NonComposMentiss@aol.com)

He has a picture of himself on his computer desktop background. (tpanner@hotmail.com)

The winners:

My ex is so full of herself, she's been accused of auto-cannibalism...

Knows all the staff at "Mirrors 'R Us". (seeker@vcoms.net)

Well this shows you are a caring person...caring about yourself that is...

"Who care's if she's narcissistic. She's the only girl that looks half as good as me." (mr_didgers@hotmail.com)