Banter provided by Cad and Leis

(Updated 4 Jun 05)

Really Bad Courses Offered At Donald Trump's Online University

How To Become a Millionaire But Still Get a Good Haircut for $2.50 (maxcel200@aol.com)

Blind Nude Native-American Bilingual Underwater Wig Weaving 201 (paracletus3@earthlink.net)

Chemistry 102: Never Get Your Hair Closer Than 10 Feet From an Open Flame (skibip@aol.com)

Pinochle, For Beginners. (Oh, you, know..."trump"!) (paracletus3@earthlink.net) Yeah...we knew SOMEONE would say it.

How To Flaunt Your Money to Get Women to Sleep With You (KittysKorner70@aol.com)

Management 509/Linguistics 412: How to Say "You're Fired" in 26 Languages (skibip@aol.com; bjjtoff@tds.net) …and still, no phrase for "bathroom break".

Doubling Your Investment Strategies: Turning Foreclosures Into Eightclosures (maxcel200@aol.com)

Mastering That Pouty Look Which Seems to Say, "Who Ate the Last Doughnut?" (HerzogVon@aol.com) I thought he was just trying to duplicate the look all those supermodels had on their faces when dating him.

101 Ways NOT to Get Stuck With the Czech (paracletus3@earthlink.net)

Trophy Asset Protection: Mastering the Techniques of Dumping Your Old Arm Candy, Buying Another, and the Importance of Pre-nups (GrigsbyOK@hotmail.com) Oh, c'mon now - Marla Maples was more like candy corn than actual candy.

Ambition 101, "A Penny Saved is Just a Penny." (e-marlon@sio.midco.com)

Understatement, Subtlety and Other Concepts You Don't Need to Know (HerzogVon@aol.com)

How Proper Investing Can Turn Your 15 Minutes of Fame Into 90 Minutes (jnmcda0@yahoo.com) I thought that was already taught on "The Surreal Life"…

Humility 101 (amfpsych@aol.com)

Econ 401: How to Break the Bank at a Casino By Buying It (atwright73@yahoo.com)

How to Buy Friends and Influence Supermodels (YeIIowRoseOTX@aol.com) You sure this wasn't a book he wrote?

Economics 101: How to Live Like Me On Only $120,000 a Day (ParisLuvsMe@aol.com)

How to Keep People From Beating You Up for Referring to Yourself By Your First Name With "THE" in Front of It (fparsons@yahoo.com)

How to Make a Really Bad, Product-placement Filled Reality Show 101 (noveed@yahoo.com) Uh, aren't they ALL?

Butt-kissing For the Serious Apprentice (DaphnetheRed@yahoo.com)

Urban Renewal 101: How to Turn an Atlantic City Slum Into . . . an Atlantic City Slum With Casinos (AuntShecky711@aol.com)

Bankruptcy For Fun and Profit (Airfarcewon@aol.com)

The winners:

"Placement" is the key word here...

AP Putting on Wigs (timamod@aol.com)

Taught by our very own master Apprentice at it: Amarosa...

Sounding Self-Important 101 (kintzer@hotmail.com)