Banter provided by Cad and Leis

(Updated 4 Jun 05)

Really Bad Courses Offered At Donald Trump's Online University

How To Become a Millionaire But Still Get a Good Haircut for $2.50 (

Blind Nude Native-American Bilingual Underwater Wig Weaving 201 (

Chemistry 102: Never Get Your Hair Closer Than 10 Feet From an Open Flame (

Pinochle, For Beginners. (Oh, you, know..."trump"!) ( Yeah...we knew SOMEONE would say it.

How To Flaunt Your Money to Get Women to Sleep With You (

Management 509/Linguistics 412: How to Say "You're Fired" in 26 Languages (; …and still, no phrase for "bathroom break".

Doubling Your Investment Strategies: Turning Foreclosures Into Eightclosures (

Mastering That Pouty Look Which Seems to Say, "Who Ate the Last Doughnut?" ( I thought he was just trying to duplicate the look all those supermodels had on their faces when dating him.

101 Ways NOT to Get Stuck With the Czech (

Trophy Asset Protection: Mastering the Techniques of Dumping Your Old Arm Candy, Buying Another, and the Importance of Pre-nups ( Oh, c'mon now - Marla Maples was more like candy corn than actual candy.

Ambition 101, "A Penny Saved is Just a Penny." (

Understatement, Subtlety and Other Concepts You Don't Need to Know (

How Proper Investing Can Turn Your 15 Minutes of Fame Into 90 Minutes ( I thought that was already taught on "The Surreal Life"…

Humility 101 (

Econ 401: How to Break the Bank at a Casino By Buying It (

How to Buy Friends and Influence Supermodels ( You sure this wasn't a book he wrote?

Economics 101: How to Live Like Me On Only $120,000 a Day (

How to Keep People From Beating You Up for Referring to Yourself By Your First Name With "THE" in Front of It (

How to Make a Really Bad, Product-placement Filled Reality Show 101 ( Uh, aren't they ALL?

Butt-kissing For the Serious Apprentice (

Urban Renewal 101: How to Turn an Atlantic City Slum Into . . . an Atlantic City Slum With Casinos (

Bankruptcy For Fun and Profit (

The winners:

"Placement" is the key word here...

AP Putting on Wigs (

Taught by our very own master Apprentice at it: Amarosa...

Sounding Self-Important 101 (