Banter provided by Cad and Leis

(Updated 4 Mar 05)

Really Bad Things George W. Bush Said (Two Years Before He Became President) To His Friend, Doug Wead, In Those Secretly Recorded Phone Conversations

You know, Doug..I always thought you had a smokin' last name! (;

Daddy said he'd buy me the White House just like them diplomas from Harvard and Yale. (

Doug, one thing I am going to work on in the next two years is how to pronounce (werds). (NITRAMXXX@AOL.COM)

I figure if people are dumb enough to vote for me, then I must not be as dumb as I think I am. ( ...or something.

Well Doug, dad and I had a little Rock, Paper, Scissors contest last night and guess what? I'm runnin' for President. (

Hiya, Wead, it's "high time" we got together again, if you know what I mean. Speaking of 'Weed' --you got any? (

...and that's why Jeb makes the best nachos. ( The nachos take up 10 hours of tape.

I'm having some plastic surgery tomorrow... Yeah, the '666' has returned again... (

I can't believe the Iraqi ambassador tried to hit on both my daughters at the same time. He's going to pay. (

Only once, It was a one time thing in college with my roommate. We were drunk and he put on a cheerleader uniform. ( I woulda thought Bush would be the one in the cheerleader uniform. I dared Jeb to be governor and he dared me to be president. We all had a laugh. (

Doug, I'm really glad you're not an ass#@!%, like Linda Tripp, who would record a friend's conversations. Heh heh heh. (

'Strategery' isn't a word? Seriously? Well you can bet your ass that if I ever become President, I'm gonna use it and make it an everyday word! ( It don't existify? Unpossible!!

We need some way to discredit the Democratic friend Monica might be able to help... (

Wanna snort some coke with me? The bubbles tickle your nose! (

Doug, you know how I give all my buddies nicknames? From now on, I'm gonna call you "Hempy." ( Not to be confused with his one Jewish friend, Shempy.

I did the research and I found the number one reason for the over-population of our cities...too many damn people. (

Jeb just pissed dad off again...looks like I get to run, afterall. ( Oh those silly fickle Bushes...sounds like a reality show in the works.

Dude, do I hear a tape recorder or is that just the acid kicking in? (

I just fired this Michael Moore kid who works in the mailroom. Hope he doesn't take it personally. ( Now, see, if Moore had been there during the Clinton years, he'd have a lucrative career in porn right now.

I'm gonna be President. Read my more Texas! (

The winners:

Oh, you can't fool me, Mr. President...even you aren't THAT rich...

If I had a dollar for every scrape my Dad got me out of... Wait a minute. I've got a MILLION dollars for every scrape my Dad got me out of. (

I'm willing to bet that it comes complete with its own crayons...

I better start writing my autobiography before someone writes it for me after I'm dead. (