Banter provided by Cad and Leis

(updated 5 Jan 03)

Really Bad Predictions for 2003

All of last year's predictions made by the Enquirer won't happen this year, either. (archerjoe@hotmail.com)

Fear Factor will finally make the contestants eat something normal. (DrownedRat@hotmail.com) Oh noooooooo...for the love of God...not a Big Mac!

Kato Katlin, Darva Conger, and Linda Tripp will all get another 15 minutes of fame. (glen122@aol.com)

Michael Jackson will fall in love with an older woman, and they will be married. (BrendaZilla@aol.com)

Hillary Clinton turns down her parties nomination to run for president and takes a job at Hooters. (Badjokes4u@yahoo.com) ...and she and Monica become the new "Laverne and Shirley".

In a major political disaster, President Bush will nominate Ms. Piggy to be ambassador to Saudi Arabia. (kaylor@mail.com)

Anna Nicole will regain her figure AND her dignity! (FreeLooseDirt@sbcglobal.net) You mean she used to have dignity??

The Olsen twins go porno. (guitartexn@aol.com)

Global Warming will be ruled a hoax, leading to a new phase of Global Indifference, where the planet simply does not give a crap. (kaylor@mail.com)

Madonna will start wearing underwear. (Baitsmotel6@aol.com) "Under" her clothes, right?

Winona Rider gets her own TV program..on the Home Shopping Network. (L1061S@go.com)

People's Sexiest Man of The Year...Gavin Macleod! (bongobill0767@aol.com)

HMO, led by the evil Cad and Leis, will seize power in the Senate, bomb all countries with funny names, and take over the world! *Diabolical laugh* (mrxsandmanx@yahoo.com) I just like reading "the evil Cad"...and Leis. Like, I'm the safe one...not.

A remake of "The Defiant Ones" to star Michael Jackson and Pee-Wee Herman. (junkmailmagnet42@aol.com)

A Prosperous Economy! - (whoops, blew that one) (siphon@juno.com)

2002 will all be a dream created by aliens, it is actually 1066 and we are all Soldiers at the Battle of Hastings...... (kaylor@mail.com) Proof positive that Kaylor had a REALLY good New Year's Eve.

Tired of the cold arctic winds coming from the north, a 4,000 foot high wall will be built spanning the entire US border to Canada. (kaylor@mail.com)

Mariah Carey will manage to keep her clothes on in public . . . Barbara Bush will fail. (seeker@vcoms.net) Always good to start out on a scary note!

I predict that my mother-in-law will die this year. Horribly and slowly. Trust me. (MooseSpeak@netscape.net)

...and the Grammy for Best Country Album goes to...Eminem! (bongobill0767@aol.com) Coulda been Gospel.

The cost of medicine is going to be so bad that the doctor's prescription will read, "Take one pill as often as you can afford it". (BITRANXXX@AOL.COM)

J-Lo will marry Ben Affleck..divorce.. marry Leonardo DiCaprio..divorce..marry Vin Diesel..divorce..marry Carrottop..and live happily ever after! (Baitsmotel6@aol.com)

MooseSpeak will submit a humorous entry to HMO. (ccnjbob@aol.com) Probably by mentioning the word "ass".

I predict that some opportunistic twerp will top this entry simply by mentioning "ass". (MooseSpeak@netscape.net)

I foresee O.J. finding the real killer... while passing a mirror at the Pebble Beach Golf Course. (YeIIowRoseOTX@aol.com)

Martians land on earth and destroy mankind, stating, "We're tired of the sucky stereotype you've made of us in your crappy movies". (Profishgyd@aol.com)

The winners:

And, the winner of the "It'll only happen in the Twilight Zone" award is:

President G.W. Bush will utter something so clever and profound as to be enshrined in Bartlett's Quotations. (HerzogVon@aol.com)

Sing with me everyone..."Hey, hey...we're the Monkees..."

SNL will recruit a writing team of monkey's with typewriters; the skits and audience participation will improve. (kaylor@mail.com)