Banter provided by Cad and Leis

(updated 5 Jan 03)

Really Bad Predictions for 2003

All of last year's predictions made by the Enquirer won't happen this year, either. (

Fear Factor will finally make the contestants eat something normal. ( Oh noooooooo...for the love of God...not a Big Mac!

Kato Katlin, Darva Conger, and Linda Tripp will all get another 15 minutes of fame. (

Michael Jackson will fall in love with an older woman, and they will be married. (

Hillary Clinton turns down her parties nomination to run for president and takes a job at Hooters. ( ...and she and Monica become the new "Laverne and Shirley".

In a major political disaster, President Bush will nominate Ms. Piggy to be ambassador to Saudi Arabia. (

Anna Nicole will regain her figure AND her dignity! ( You mean she used to have dignity??

The Olsen twins go porno. (

Global Warming will be ruled a hoax, leading to a new phase of Global Indifference, where the planet simply does not give a crap. (

Madonna will start wearing underwear. ( "Under" her clothes, right?

Winona Rider gets her own TV program..on the Home Shopping Network. (

People's Sexiest Man of The Year...Gavin Macleod! (

HMO, led by the evil Cad and Leis, will seize power in the Senate, bomb all countries with funny names, and take over the world! *Diabolical laugh* ( I just like reading "the evil Cad"...and Leis. Like, I'm the safe one...not.

A remake of "The Defiant Ones" to star Michael Jackson and Pee-Wee Herman. (

A Prosperous Economy! - (whoops, blew that one) (

2002 will all be a dream created by aliens, it is actually 1066 and we are all Soldiers at the Battle of Hastings...... ( Proof positive that Kaylor had a REALLY good New Year's Eve.

Tired of the cold arctic winds coming from the north, a 4,000 foot high wall will be built spanning the entire US border to Canada. (

Mariah Carey will manage to keep her clothes on in public . . . Barbara Bush will fail. ( Always good to start out on a scary note!

I predict that my mother-in-law will die this year. Horribly and slowly. Trust me. (

...and the Grammy for Best Country Album goes to...Eminem! ( Coulda been Gospel.

The cost of medicine is going to be so bad that the doctor's prescription will read, "Take one pill as often as you can afford it". (BITRANXXX@AOL.COM)

J-Lo will marry Ben Affleck..divorce.. marry Leonardo DiCaprio..divorce..marry Vin Diesel..divorce..marry Carrottop..and live happily ever after! (

MooseSpeak will submit a humorous entry to HMO. ( Probably by mentioning the word "ass".

I predict that some opportunistic twerp will top this entry simply by mentioning "ass". (

I foresee O.J. finding the real killer... while passing a mirror at the Pebble Beach Golf Course. (

Martians land on earth and destroy mankind, stating, "We're tired of the sucky stereotype you've made of us in your crappy movies". (

The winners:

And, the winner of the "It'll only happen in the Twilight Zone" award is:

President G.W. Bush will utter something so clever and profound as to be enshrined in Bartlett's Quotations. (

Sing with me everyone..."Hey, hey...we're the Monkees..."

SNL will recruit a writing team of monkey's with typewriters; the skits and audience participation will improve. (