Banter provided by Cad and Leis
(updated 5 Jan 03)
Really Bad Predictions for 2003
All of last year's predictions made by the Enquirer won't happen this year, either. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Fear Factor will finally make the contestants eat something normal. (DrownedRat@hotmail.com) Oh noooooooo...for the love of God...not a Big Mac!
Kato Katlin, Darva Conger, and Linda Tripp will all get another 15 minutes of fame. (email@example.com)
Michael Jackson will fall in love with an older woman, and they will be married. (BrendaZilla@aol.com)
Hillary Clinton turns down her parties nomination to run for president and takes a job at Hooters. (Badjokes4u@yahoo.com) ...and she and Monica become the new "Laverne and Shirley".
In a major political disaster, President Bush will nominate Ms. Piggy to be ambassador to Saudi Arabia. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Anna Nicole will regain her figure AND her dignity! (FreeLooseDirt@sbcglobal.net) You mean she used to have dignity??
The Olsen twins go porno. (email@example.com)
Global Warming will be ruled a hoax, leading to a new phase of Global Indifference, where the planet simply does not give a crap. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Madonna will start wearing underwear. (Baitsmotel6@aol.com) "Under" her clothes, right?
Winona Rider gets her own TV program..on the Home Shopping Network. (L1061S@go.com)
People's Sexiest Man of The Year...Gavin Macleod! (email@example.com)
HMO, led by the evil Cad and Leis, will seize power in the Senate, bomb all countries with funny names, and take over the world! *Diabolical laugh* (firstname.lastname@example.org) I just like reading "the evil Cad"...and Leis. Like, I'm the safe one...not.
A remake of "The Defiant Ones" to star Michael Jackson and Pee-Wee Herman. (email@example.com)
A Prosperous Economy! - (whoops, blew that one) (firstname.lastname@example.org)
2002 will all be a dream created by aliens, it is actually 1066 and we are all Soldiers at the Battle of Hastings...... (email@example.com) Proof positive that Kaylor had a REALLY good New Year's Eve.
Tired of the cold arctic winds coming from the north, a 4,000 foot high wall will be built spanning the entire US border to Canada. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Mariah Carey will manage to keep her clothes on in public . . . Barbara Bush will fail. (email@example.com) Always good to start out on a scary note!
I predict that my mother-in-law will die this year. Horribly and slowly. Trust me. (MooseSpeak@netscape.net)
...and the Grammy for Best Country Album goes to...Eminem! (firstname.lastname@example.org) Coulda been Gospel.
The cost of medicine is going to be so bad that the doctor's prescription will read, "Take one pill as often as you can afford it". (BITRANXXX@AOL.COM)
J-Lo will marry Ben Affleck..divorce.. marry Leonardo DiCaprio..divorce..marry Vin Diesel..divorce..marry Carrottop..and live happily ever after! (Baitsmotel6@aol.com)
MooseSpeak will submit a humorous entry to HMO. (email@example.com) Probably by mentioning the word "ass".
I predict that some opportunistic twerp will top this entry simply by mentioning "ass". (MooseSpeak@netscape.net)
I foresee O.J. finding the real killer... while passing a mirror at the Pebble Beach Golf Course. (YeIIowRoseOTX@aol.com)
Martians land on earth and destroy mankind, stating, "We're tired of the sucky stereotype you've made of us in your crappy movies". (Profishgyd@aol.com)
And, the winner of the "It'll only happen in the Twilight Zone" award is:
President G.W. Bush will utter something so clever and profound as to be enshrined in Bartlett's Quotations. (HerzogVon@aol.com)
Sing with me everyone..."Hey, hey...we're the Monkees..."
SNL will recruit a writing team of monkey's with typewriters; the skits and audience participation will improve. (firstname.lastname@example.org)