Banter provided by Cad and Leis

(updated 6 Mar 03)

Really Bad Vampire-Based Shows to Replace "Buffy"

Survivor: Transylvania (;

Any current new sitcom - they ALL suck as much as a hungry vampire. (

Frasier the Vampire Slayer... in his latest incarnation, Frasier Crane psychoanalyzes his prey before biting them. ( Hey, that's clever...make them WANT death!

Father Knows Bats (

Muffy, the Bisexual-Hooker Vampire Slayer (Of course, we'd have to move it to FOX...) (

The 700 Year Old Club (

A new reality show: "Who Wants To Suck A Millionaire?" ( Uh...this one sounds a little too much like the actual motivation behind "Joe Millionaire".

Ron Jeremy the Vampire Layer (

Sense and Suck Ability (

Nikolas, The Myctophobic Vampire. Each episode, poor Nikolas tries to overcome his paralyzing fear of the dark or risk dying in the light. ( Is using a Word-A-Day calendar worth bonus points, Cad?

Undead with Regis and Kelly Ripper (

Everybody Loves Plasma (

Bosom Bloodies ( " got blood on my new dress!" "...Are you sure?"...."O-Positive-ly!"

HGTV's < Trading Crypts > It's a race against time as Vampires and their decorators exchange crypts and have until daylight to completely redo each others' coffins. (

Plasma Suite (

8 Simple Ways To Kill My Bloodsucking Daughter ( Every week, a former cast member of a John Ritter show gets drained!

Neck At Night (

The winners:

Wouldn't that be "A Family O' Slayers"?

Jodie, Buffy and Mrs. Beasley Vampire Slayers (

Well, David Spade does look anemic enough to play the part...

Just Shoot Me With A Silver Bullet (