Banter provided by Cad and Leis

(updated 6 Mar 03)

Really Bad Vampire-Based Shows to Replace "Buffy"

Survivor: Transylvania (ldolphin34@hotmail.com; archerjoe@hotmail.com)

Any current new sitcom - they ALL suck as much as a hungry vampire. (ldolphin34@hotmail.com)

Frasier the Vampire Slayer... in his latest incarnation, Frasier Crane psychoanalyzes his prey before biting them. (YeIIowRoseOTX@aol.com) Hey, that's clever...make them WANT death!

Father Knows Bats (Baitsmotel6@aol.com)

Muffy, the Bisexual-Hooker Vampire Slayer (Of course, we'd have to move it to FOX...) (Jdoveraz@aol.com)

The 700 Year Old Club (scice@aol.com)

A new reality show: "Who Wants To Suck A Millionaire?" (penn@engineer.com) Uh...this one sounds a little too much like the actual motivation behind "Joe Millionaire".

Ron Jeremy the Vampire Layer (guitartexn@aol.com)

Sense and Suck Ability (Omegamagezero@aol.com)

Nikolas, The Myctophobic Vampire. Each episode, poor Nikolas tries to overcome his paralyzing fear of the dark or risk dying in the light. (thesoundvault@attbi.com) Is using a Word-A-Day calendar worth bonus points, Cad?

Undead with Regis and Kelly Ripper (jaynashvil@aol.com)

Everybody Loves Plasma (LadyOfSplendor@aol.com)

Bosom Bloodies (Baitsmotel6@aol.com) "Kip...you got blood on my new dress!" "...Are you sure?"...."O-Positive-ly!"

HGTV's < Trading Crypts > It's a race against time as Vampires and their decorators exchange crypts and have until daylight to completely redo each others' coffins. (JoyfulDJoy@aol.com)

Plasma Suite (Baitsmotel6@aol.com)

8 Simple Ways To Kill My Bloodsucking Daughter (guitartexn@aol.com) Every week, a former cast member of a John Ritter show gets drained!

Neck At Night (Baitsmotel6@aol.com)

The winners:

Wouldn't that be "A Family O' Slayers"?

Jodie, Buffy and Mrs. Beasley Vampire Slayers (Brendazilla@aol.com)

Well, David Spade does look anemic enough to play the part...

Just Shoot Me With A Silver Bullet (rsherman@netplexgroup.com)