Banter provided by Cad and Leis

(Updated 6 Sep 05)

Really Bad Signs You Aren't Cut Out For Professional Poker
(Topic suggested by Cantw82paint@aol.com)

Last time someone said they were putting you all in, you started to disrobe. (cdmauger@aol.com)

Your ex-wife Lorena "shortened" your career. (Poker? I hardly know her!) (razcactus@netzero.com)

You think a full house is an old ABC sitcom. (cmndrnineveh@aol.com; Mistahatom@aol.com)

Last time it was your turn to bet, you said, "Does anyone have any THREES?" (cdmauger@aol.com)

Stephanie Zimbalist! Oh wait, that was last week's Leis challenge. (guitartexn@aol.com) Come play the game that's sweeping the nation....Leis Challenge!!! (and it was DORIS ROBERTS, by the way....)

When they won't take my jockey shorts for one chip. (NITRAMXXX@aol.com)

The only way you're going to raise anything is to take a Viagra. (dennisilvr@aol.com)

You start making bathroom jokes every time you get a royal flush. (cmndrnineveh@aol.com) Like guys need any excuse.

You think a pair of queens are some guys from Bravo. (ahines3103@aol.com)

You don't own a cowboy hat or a pair of sunglasses. (Jdoveraz@aol.com)

You keep stripping every time you lose. (watch4whales@yahoo.com; ParisIuvsMe@aol.com) Geez...this would explain why they let me win all the time.

You can't beat your 3-year old without cheating. (motorbreath2000@netscape.net)

Instead of raising the ante, you"re razzing the auntie. (AuntShecky711@aol.com) Hey, she really DOES wear combat boots!

When playing Texas Hold'em, you try to snuggle with the person next to you. (IR2Odie@aol.com)

You like wearing your sunglasses indoors. And they're mirrored. (cmndrnineveh@aol.com; davidgotribe@aol.com)

You bring dip for the chips. (NonComposMentiss@aol.com)

Just can't control my "dance of glee." (GrigsbyOK@hotmail.com; dakotadave57104@yahoo.com)

You often ask the guy next to you if your hand is good or not. (madavis62@alltel.net; tphyll@aol.com) ...what's worse is you take his word for it.

You wouldn't know your ass from an ace in the hole in the ground! (maxcel200@aol.com)

Look! I have all red cards!!! (manpretty@gmail.com) Oooh!! A red light!!! Oh wait, I thought we were playing Milles-Borne.

You got all your skill by listening to the Kenny Rogers' song "the Gambler". (moxham4@hotmail.com)

Your friends love it when you join them for poker night. (archerjoe@hotmail.com)

The winners:

I prefer to yell out the more obscure, "Pass Bash!!!!!!!!"...

You can't refrain from yelling out, "Uno!" (stan@squidworks.com)

Yeah yeah...insert your own "I'll raise" joke...

You think "poker face" is something you do with your erection. (NonComposMentiss@aol.com)