Banter provided by Cad and Leis

(updated 7 Dec 03)

Really Bad Sears Craftsman Tool Ideas

NipGun: The high-powered home nipple piercing machine. (

Craftsman Combination Concrete and Cake Mixer ( my house, how could you tell the difference?

The all-in-one handy dandy nose-hair trimmer, toenail clipper, and toothpick. (

Laser-Powered Wood Saw (

The Reversible Stud or Chick Finder ( Oh, good! I happen to be a reversible stud!

A hollow-handled hammer to store the first aid cream and Band-Aids. (

For Christmas I want: Miss Crafty: Blow-up Workshop Assistant and 'Tool Holder'! (

Home Dentistry Kit - Complete with Pliers and High-Speed Drill ( Sure to put a smile on every customer's face...

The Pocket Chainsaw. (

The "Hands Free" Circular Saw (

Trepanner, with lifetime warranty (yours, not the tool's). ( Oh, yeah...I need this tool like I need another hole in my head.

"Nut Buster" Wrench (

The Craftsman Wood Chipper and Neighbor Shredder (

Slotted Screwdriver...that "doubles" as a butter knife. (

The Leaf/Flame Blower ( Isn't this endorsed by Tim Allen?

Craftsman's book series, "How to Make a Bong Out of Anything". (

Craftsman Adjustable Belt Sander With Turquoise Buckle (

The Blazin' Laser Gas Line Cutter ( ....Possibly the last tool you will EVER need.

Unskillz saw. (

Craftswoman® Idiot-proof Tools. (Maybe I too should change my e-mail address.) (

A "Money-you-would-have-saved-if-only-you'd-listened-to-your-wife-and-hired-a-professional" Counter. (

Self-surgery kit, sold under the brand name "Suture Self." (

The winners:

Warning: Do not attempt to use saw while trying to get into the Liquid "Guinness" Book of Records...

Irish Jigsaw (

MORE ReBa Ways To dispose Of A Dead Horse...

The Craftsman One-Horse Glue Mixer/Dispenser (