Banter provided by Cad and Leis

(Updated 7 Dec 05)

Really Bad Pet Peeves Of Hasbeen Celebrities

Being on on-line lists about Hasbeen Celebrities. (

Having to show an ID for everything and having people comment on their age and looks. (

You're referred to as " The Old Paris Hilton". (

They now have to pick out the green M&M's for themselves. ( The store management has a problem with you doing it, tho.

So many reality TV Shows to appear on, so little time. (;

Howard Stern: "People who confuse me with Isaac. Sure, I may be sex obsessed, but I've never taken up violins." ( Note to self: Ugh!

The long non-stares. ( Gee, and all this time, I thought I'd turned invisible!

All the shows you're asked to do these days are "Whatever Happened To..." (

Having an aged Florence Henderson asking you at every cast reunion if you want to "have a different kind of reunion" with her. (

While Googling themselves found only one fan site devoted to them and it was run by their own mother. ( ...and they HAVE to Google themselves now as they don't have any more groupies hanging around.

Even "Hollywood Squares" isn't calling. (;

Being mistaken for David Hasselhoff. (

Spelling "has-been" as one word. ( Oh shuddup. Oh, I'm sorry...that's "shut up".

Getting hit on by Flava Flav. (

People repeatedly asking them if they know what happened to the kid from the 'Home Alone' movies. (

"Hey! Aren't you Charlie Sheen?" "NO! I'm Martin, dammit!" Do I get double Rat's Asses for a twofer? ( ....not unless there's a bribery check hidden somewhere in this message....

You're flattered when people recognize you, and then crushed when they say, "I thought you were dead." (;

Even Steve Guttenberg isn't returning your calls. (

Trump keeps inviting me to be a judge for that damn Miss Teen U.S.A. contest. (

When the bottle is empty. ( Wow! That's MY pet

Someone hacked into Kato Kaelin's cell phone phonebook and you're not even listed. (

The production company you own threatens to disband if you insist on being in any of the movies. ( "Gilbert Gottfried, as you've never seen him before, in...."Gunga Din"!

You have to kill someone to get any press at all. (

The tits they get to sign get lower every year... ( And that's just on the guys.

No one is bidding for your autograph on E-Bay. (

The winners:

"Hey, aren't you that guy who was almost famous???"...

Everyone thinks you're James Spader (Judge Reinhold only). (

Hey, look everyone...Robert Downey, Jr. plays HMO!... (Who, according to the IMDb, has EIGHT films due out in can't be considered a, in my opinion, he's probably one of THE best actors since Jimmy Stewart. Okay, so I just wanted to plug the guy.)...

I'm even more messed up than Danny Bonaduce and I can't get on VH1! (