Banter provided by Cad and Leis

(Updated 7 Oct 04)

Really Bad Signs You May Have Lied Once Too Often
(Topic suggested by

Your friends often break out into, "I got no strings." (

Your PDA's memory is crammed full of reminders about your past lies, so you can try to keep them consistent. ( I always wondered why people needed those.

I never lie, so it is impossible for me to answer this. (However, if backed into a corner I will play stupid.) (

Penthouse Forum offers you a position as staff writer. (khalazdad@adelphianet) Yeah..."staff" writer.

Your parents bought stock in Proctor & Gamble with all the soap you been eating. (

Morgan Fairchild hits you with a restraining order. Yeah, that's the ticket! (

You have the prefix: Gov, Sen, Rep, or Pres in front of your name. ( Hey, what about Mayor?...Signed Marion Barry.

911 won't send help unless you let them hear the gunshots first. (

While brushing your teeth in the morning you notice your tongue is now forked. (

Instead of your nose getting bigger, your ass gets bigger. Might explain some politicians. ( Ted Kennedy must've told some real whoppers. Or maybe he just ate some real Whoppers.

Your pants burst into flames. (;

Everyone automatically adds ten strokes to whatever score you tell them. (

All your friends wear wading boots around you. ( Maybe it's because you are so full of "crappie"?

Lightning finally DOES strike you down. (;

Your Priest makes you take a polygraph. (

You have to hire another lawyer to handle your first lawyer's lawsuits. ( Well, at least it keeps 2 lawyers off the streets...

You find yourself in a pharmacy looking for a way to remove both tar and feathers. (

It's the 6th time they had to replace the ink on the polygraph and they need to send someone out to pick up some more. (zcktomcat@AOL.COM)

Your 3 wives are starting to suspect. (

You start to believe you are a 6'2", 175 lb investment banker who only goes online to meet nice people. ( forgot to include "Adonis".

Your boss just asks which number story today for not being on time. (

You broke the Guinness record for having children. ( The bad part is - you can't tell your wife about it.

Your spouse has gone from not listening to you, to listening VERY carefully. (

Employee of the Month at the "previously owned" car lot. (

The winners:

Funny, I've got one that says "Liar's with me"...

Your spouse just came home with a new T-shirt and it says..."I'm with Liar". (

"Rather" a break of a lifetime...I'd say...

I just got a job as a reporter for CBS. (