Banter provided by Cad and Leis

(updated 8 Apr 03)

Really Bad Ways to Interpret "Just Friends"

Girl: I think we should just be friends. (In her head):I've got a .45 caliber semi-automatic weapon in my pocket, so don't even think about trying to contact me again. (gonnabmeeee@aol.com)

(To my new email friends) "I really like you, just don't send me your photo or call me on the phone. Let's just write email back and forth, okay?" (deguwright@aol.com) "Uh, yeah, you're "attractive"......to blind people......on Venus!

We're friends so that means I pay her alimony now (BikeMike101@aol.com)

You'll be lucky to get eye contact. (archerjoe@hotmail.com) Which base is that? Did I score?

Is there a "Good" way... you're still not getting laid. (mwatts@nhbakersfield.com)

So, that means we can shower together and I can snap you on the ass with a towel? (mcsestretch@hotmail.com)

The six of you hang out together and have casual sex... wait, that's a really GOOD way. (rsherman@netplexgroup.com)

Me stalking you until you get a restraining order!?! (Danko93@cs.com) Me personally?

Snoopy and Woodstock..but no Red Barin' (Baitsmotel6@aol.com)

I can't stand the sight of you. If you call me I'll hang up. If you show up I'll shoot you...but what the hell...just friends is fine with me. (SNaash@aol.com) Awww, you DO care!

She can sleep over..but you can't. (Baitsmotel6@aol.com)

Okay, are you going to be Joey, Chandler or Ross? I'm going to be Phoebe. (trlymurph@aol.com) No no no - just friends...not overpaid self-centered whiney actors.

You know my phone number that I gave you last month? Forget it! (junkmailmagnet42@aol.com)

I long to call you after every date and describe, in detail, exactly how I did him, his brother and the guy that delivered the pizza. (seeker@vcoms.net)

Showing up at his place on a Friday night with a bag of Funyons, Cosmo Magazine and a chic flick complaining of cramps and explaining that you knew a friend would understand. (Katsut78@aol.com) Ooh! Ooh! Can we do each others' nails??

I want to date other people but I will still come crying to you when I have a problem. (dakotadave57104@yahoo.com)

No strings attached sex buddies!! (brwneyedcuuty@aol.com) Sounds like an adult Happy Meal prize.

I'm having sex with your best friends. All of them. Except you. (mrxsandmanx@yahoo.com)

The winners:

All right, who told?!?

I found out that size does matter. (seeker@vcoms.net)

Bet you'll be doing a lot of "polishing" tho...

Having a trophy you can't mount. (Baitsmotel6@aol.com)