Banter provided by Cad and Leis

(updated 8 May 03)

Really Bad Other Things You Can Do As a Coach In Alabama That Will Get You Fired

The Lambada. With the star center. (

Is the glass half-full...

Found to have the most entries posted by (

...or half-empty? You be the judge.

Found to have the most entries turned down by (

Making derogatory remarks about campus coeds and "crimson tide". (

Drive something other than a pickup truck. ( Or one without a gun rack.

Refer to your team as "everyone" instead of "Ya'll". (

Prefer Neil Young's song about Alabama over Lynyrd Skynyrd's. (

Admit you own an espresso machine, and state that only hicks drink beer. ( Yee haw!

Mistakenly refer to your university as Georgia Tech. (

Being seen in a homemade porno with any dialog related to..."Get off me Daddy...yer squishin' my cigarettes." (

Compliment Notre Dame's coach and football program. (

Tell fans to quit bringing those redneck Confederate flags to the games. (

Put a couch on your porch and sit there all night drinking. ( No no - that's only in Tuscaloosa.

Give the impression that you thought "Crimson Tide" was a laundry detergent. (

Remove "connect the dots" pages in playbook. (

Try to smuggle Hooked On Phonics across the state line. ( Well, they sure as hell aren't smuggling them across Mississippi or Tennessee.

Forget the words to "Sweet Home Alabama." (

Forfeit all your games for the next three years to help a scholarship reserve linebacker who slipped to a B+ grade average. (

Name your best play: "Destiny, into the Hole" and the QB's count to be 38,DD, 24, 36 Hike it up! (

The winners:

Good luck finding all your teeth...and bones...and...

Mention that you will be the best coach ever in Alabama because Paul "Bear" Bryant is a chump!!!! (

I'd wager that that's not so smart:

Bet on the other team. (