Banter provided by Cad and Leis

(updated 9 Jun 03)

Really Bad Ways To Protect Your Skin At The Beach

Watching all the babes go by through your telescope and have your wife hold the parasol over you. (NITRAMXXX@AOL.COM)

Cover your self in aluminum foil, rotate after 15 minutes wait another 15 minutes, then simply add butter, cheese, or any other topping of choice. (VegasVixen1982@aol.com) Mmmm, I'm Leis-alicious...

A suit of armour. (junkmailmagnet42@aol.com

It's simple. You take the thick skin of having your non-winning entries to HMO (you know, the ones that were clearly MORE funny than the rest of the answers) and you wear it proudly! (guitartexn@aol.com) Do I sense some HMOstility?

Wesson Cooking Oil, applied by none other than Florence Henderson. (KatSut78@aol.com)

Wearing a moo-moo, that look is never good regardless of what the purpose is. (yruwaitn@aol.com)

Hannibal Lecter's "Give Me Your Skin for 5 Minutes and the Beach Sun Will Never Damage It Again". (TZMAC@aol.com) Just make sure he gives it back!

Cover yourself with Jelly Fish.. (gregparsons68@yahoo.com)

Crawl under that dying whale. (e-merlin@sio.midco.net; Rdraper999@aol.com)

Always have her on top (wink wink, nudge nudge, say no more). (MooseSpeak@earthlink.net) Huh? I've never been with a woman...what do you mean??

Have the fat guy in the Speedo stand in front of you. (yruwaitn@aol.com)

Duct tape and plastic! (Just think, not only protection from the sun, but from those pesky terrorists too!) (avit.web@verizon.net) Just remember--poke some holes in that plastic!

Garlic rub. (Baitsmotel6@aol.com)

Hazmat suit... as you clean up the medical waste that's washing up on shore. (StanYan1@aol.com) So you're from Jersey, too?

Reapplying the mayonnaise from your tuna sandwich. (BRE727@aol.com)

Go at night. (Baitsmotel6@aol.com; MooseSpeak@earthlink.net)

The winners:

No...we said "bad"...not something causing us to visualize things we never would have in a million years...

Do you mean bad like Calista Flockhart standing in the shade of Harrison Ford's erection to stay out of the sun? (Truckerex@wmconnect.com)

I may not be burnt, but I sure am dizzy:

Jumping back and forth really fast... hoping the sun won't catch you. (scottf2323@hotmail.com)