Banter provided by Cad and Leis

(Updated 9 Jun 04)

Really Bad Questions to Ask the Seller When You Buy a Gun From an Online Auction Site

Do you have one that already has the serial # scraped off? (

Does it come in pink? (

Was this ever fired by Donald Trump? (

Is it OK if I use my soon to be ex's credit card? ( "And by 'ex' I mean 'ex-living'.

How many magazines come with it? I do a lot of reading. (

Will this gun be suitable for capping whoever's messing with the ReBa categories? (

Is it small enough to conceal in a bra? ( Um, why do you ask, dad?

So is P. Diddy your real name? (

Do you have any of those armor-piercing bullets I've heard about on the news? (;

Doesn't it seem a little ironic to buy a Baretta from Robert Blake? ( Shoot, this one's spelled wrong...well, okay, we'll let it slide.

Has this gun ever been submerged in the East River? (

Um, do you sell to known felons? (

I have this friend that has this wife....... ( Okay, if this story also involves a rabbi and a duck, I've heard it before....

What's the knockdown power of this gun? I mean, say for example, of a 210 pound ex-husband? (

Can I get a map of Washington DC with that please? (;

Would it be easy to wipe my fingerprints off of it? (;

Does it have the Charlton Heston Seal of Approval? ( Uh...don't they all?

Do you know where I can buy a ski mask? (

Does it have enough force to get through my husbands thick skull?! (

Is the sight good enough to be able to pinpoint a person's head from, oh, let's say the far side of the Senate chamber? (

So, did owning this gun compensate for the smallness of your penis and, if so, by how much, because I've got a lot to make up for in that department. ( You know, sometimes opening up to a complete stranger is cathartic...but sheesh...we must get at least 15 people reading this site.

How will this purchase appear on my credit card statement? (

I only need it for five minutes. Can I return it for a full refund? ( Minus the cost of 1 bullet, methinks.

You don't believe in any of that nonsense about a "waiting period" right? (

Can I just have this shipped right to the Post Office where I work? (

The winners:

It's nice to know that there's always someone out there online who is willing to help any way they can...

My dad says I should tell you I'm old enough. How old is that? (

We're all gunning for you!...

Umm....will the one you send me fire real bullets and not water? (