(updated 10 Feb 05)
Hosted by Slyph
Well, Slyph and I got together just a few minutes ago and decided we liked "JuxtaPoser" best for the new contest name. So, email@example.com gets the 50 Rat's Asses for coming up with it.
Henry VIII: Valentine's Day Shopping
Reading cards at card store: "You are the only one for me, be my Valentine." -- I like that one, give me six. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Henry's wife: "A valentine for Henry..hmm..maybe a nice reigncoat.." (Airfarcewon@aol.com) Sometimes I think Airfarce was artificially created in a secret government lab devoted to the construction of puns.
(While at Victoria's Secret)..."Edible knickers? Surely you jest. Perhaps you have something in a tasteful neck scarf?" (email@example.com)
Due to Henry's extreme difficulty with marriages, he consoled himself by sampling all the chocolates in the countryside. (WJKbase@aol.com) Fat Munter probably ordered a few ships plundered to check for chocolate coins as well.
Gift: Hank The Heavy opted for Sir Michael Moore's new DVD on "Fahrenheit 9 to 5 Pope Bashing." (firstname.lastname@example.org) Something tells me Sir Michael Moore headed the plundering party.
"Mr. Tong, I need six cards right away, chop-chop!" (Assuming that your image of Henry VIII is Charles Laughton.) [Upon rereading, it sounded more like James Mason. Oh, the voices in my head!] (HerzogVon@aol.com)
I hear he used to like buying his ex-wives turtlenecks for Valentine's Day. (AnthrStupdSN@aol.com)
"Hmmm..... I wonder if they have one that says 'Roses are red, violets are blue, hope I don't have to behead you too.'" (email@example.com) ...or "parting the head and the shoulders makes the heart grow fonder."
Actually any attempt of Henry VIII to find a Valentine Day gift that could glamorize the awefull hags he married always proved feudal. (firstname.lastname@example.org) *Groan* :D
"What do you mean they want $29.99 for a box of freakin' candy? That's unheard of. Say, remember that crackpot that called my wife a witch the other day?... I've got an idea." (email@example.com)
"I'm looking for quantity not quality." (Cantw82paint@Aol.com)
King Henry, to himself: "If power is the ultimate aphrodisiac, and I am the Head of both Church AND State, THAT makes ME my own VIAGRA! I feel like screwing myself!" (firstname.lastname@example.org)
"Hey Card-guy?...Wolsey? Can you can pick up a Valentine something for ole Aragon Kate at the 7/11?" (email@example.com)