(updated 11 Apr 08)

Double Date
(Pay no attention to that title up above this one - we will make a new one very soon)

Drek provided by Cad and Bucko

March 23 - Joan Crawford born in 1904

According to scholars at the University of Paris, the Black Death is created on this day, 20 March 1345, from what they call "a triple conjunction of Saturn, Jupiter and Mars in the 40th degree of Aquarius".

Black Death created? Joan Crawford Born? Seems like pretty much the same thing to me. - signed, Christina Crawford (skibip@aol.com; Airfracewon@aol.com)

Sounds like this was the source for plot to "The Fifth Element". (rod.renner@juno.com) Hey, nobody disses "The Fifth Element" - that movie was awesome. Don't make me send a real infected Rat's Ass over to your house, now.

Clothes horse Crawford always wore shoulder pads--from the back she looked like ex-Charger's Junior Seau. (humorbear@aol.com) For what actual horses wear, look under "Camilla".

The following day, 21 March 1345, the Fifth Dimension was created from what they call "the moon is in the seventh house and Jupiter aligns with Mars". (rsherman@netplexgroup.com)

There is something to this conjunction theory...when the moon is inline with Venus plus at low tide, I become impotent. (humorbear@aol.com) And you want to announce this on the Internet??

And here I thought that Black Death was caused by the third ring of Uranus. (rsherman@netplexgroup.com) No, that's how Munchausen Syndrome is caused, silly man.

Aquarius was always such a bitch. In grade school, he gave a kid Smallpox for cutting him in line. (PAdams002@hotmail.com)

It was reported, before the casket was sealed, that her daughter sent her mother off to the great beyond with an extra 53 pounds of wire clothes hangers. (tpanner@hotmail.com) Sounds like a damn Marc Chagall mobile.

Actually, Joe Saturn, Fred Jupiter and Sally Mars had a menage a trois at the back of the Aquarius Bar & Grill, having polished off 40 Dewars, and Black was born nine months later. (rod.renner@juno.com)

Wow. 104 years old and she can still kick Krystle Carrington's ass. (rsherman@netplexgroup.com) Oh, Joan Collins is soooo going to kick your ass for that one.

I observe all the phases of the moon for trouble, but, actually, when I am mooned it really doesn't phase me. (humorbear@aol.com)

Middle 14th century, about one-third of Europe died of the Black Death. It was said it was a regular rat race to the cemetery (humorbear@aol.com) Yeah, and comedians like you with your "four humours" had them keeling over at their tables and dying in the aisles.

Joan Crawford's shoulders, which, ironically, were bigger than the Black Death, were created about 1932. I think the only thing that had to align up for them were the fabric and seamstress. (ParisIuvsMe@aol.com)

Before Joan could walk, Bette Davis used to tease her by putting rats in her formula bottle. (seeker@vcoms.net) See...if you woulda worked in the whole rat/flea/bubonic plague thing in...there's no telling how many points I woulda shelled out for that kind of stuff. Later, the rat escaped and killed Jimmy Cagney's brother.

Are you sure you don't have the dates mixed up? (jaberwok@yahooy.com)

And then the scholars celebrated their remarkable observation by taking a collective dump in the middle of a damp, rat infested street. (tpanner@hotmail.com) "What a dump!" Ooops, sorry, that whole "Baby Jane/Joan/Bette" thing had me confused.

I always thought The Black Death was what happened to Michael Jackson's face. (Airfarcewon@aol.com) That was no plague; it was premedicated murder!

Coincidentally, this is the same way President Bush predicted victory in Iraq. (tpanner@hotmail.com)

This is the dawning of the age of aquari...*hack*...*HACK COUGH*....*thump* (scalpel@aol.com) For you geeks: We're still in the age of Pisces until 2150. Isn't that interesting?

Saturn, Jupiter, and Mars? That's the exact same excuse I used when I knocked up the neighbor's daughter. (DLivermore2002@yahoo.com)

This triple conjunction had something to do with MY black death...Accidentally dropped my BlackBerry in the toilet. (humorbear@aol.com) Taking a depth reading? Why? Did you have big plans?

Don't answer that.

It might not have been so bad, but they, of course, immediately surrendered to it. (ReineDeDouleur@yahoo.com)

Is this why people always wear black to funerals? (retrometro@rogers.com) Yes, that and the custom where the majority of people in attendance really never gave a Rat's Ass about the deceased.

Oh, sure, the Black Death is funny now. Just wait until the next triple conjunction. We're penciled in for the Brown Death. You don't want to know what that is. (e-merlin001@hotmail.com) Wrong again, buffalo breath:

This is not to mention the Brown Death where Eric The Red-Ass and crew sighted a UFO close up off Canada thereby many died of super bowel release. (humorbear@aol.com)

And just where is Neptune and Uranus in this configuration? I tell you, the answer to that conundrum is probably going to plague me for years. (ParisIuvsMe@aol.com) It's all in the Kama Sutra, my friend.

Ah, yes. Now it makes sense. Now I understand how Al Gore got his Nobel Prize. (tpanner@hotmail.com)

Some European people experienced a strange disappearance of genital hair which is better known now as the Pubonic Plague. (humorbear@aol.com) I thought that started in Brazil. No...as someone on my blog alerted me...it was indeed the "Bermuda Triangle".

The plague continued unabated until 1582, when it inexplicably vanished for ten days. (gerg17@comcast.net) Ooooh...someone has actually learned something from HMO...we are going to have to start a side business.

I knew it! That's my wife's sign. (flynnkj19@aol.com)

Odd that we picked the same winner - usually Bucko and I are in simultaneous opposition:

Would you like leeches and maggots with that, sir, to make it a combo?...

If only there were universal health care back then; thousands of people could've been saved through blood-letting by barbers using filthy knives. (gerg17@comcast.net)

Nope...they just wanted to leech off the system as long as they could...

If only there were universal health care back then; thousands of people could've been saved through blood-letting by barbers using filthy knives. (gerg17@comcast.net)