The votes are in...the new "Rotating Contest" (and its explanation) is directly following the winners of this "Yo Mama".
Yo Mama's hot flashes are so bad...
(Suggested by email@example.com)
...that it's impossible for her to prepare sushi. (Dspur57098@aol.com)
...her inner thighs have type two burns. (firstname.lastname@example.org) Actually, that's from cellulite friction.
...she keeps setting off the sprinkler system at Family Services. (Airfarcewon@aol.com)
...she's been hired to stand in front of a big, high powered fan in order to keep the players warm on the sidelines at Lambeau Field. (email@example.com) Of course, they could always stand under her-
Or IN her-
No. No no no no no....
...she makes Daiquiris by mixing sugar, lime juice, rum and Prestone motor coolant. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
...SETI (Search for Extra-Terrestrial Intelligence) reports responses from three different stars. (email@example.com)
...that George Bush is blaming her for global warming. (firstname.lastname@example.org) He's gotta blame something...trying to figure out what Al Gore said in his film just makes Bush's head hurt too much. BullSHIT! Bush doesn't believe in global warming. Yeah, but that was just TOO easy. Okay, not for Bush, but you know...
...her lopsided, back-alley boob job melted. (email@example.com)
...her tampon applicators either melt or burn on contact. (GerriHan65@aol.com) That sucks.
Wait for it....
...she's the only hottie that wears XXL sweatpants. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
...she took a bath with Lava soap, and the tub erupted. (Airfarcewon@aol.com)
...Al Gore calls her "Inconvenient Ruth." (email@example.com) Odd, since her name is Aquanetta.
...she keeps ruining the night skies for the local astronomy club. (firstname.lastname@example.org; email@example.com)
...that Al Gore wants to place a catalytic converter up her ass. (Dspur57098@aol.com) Al, if you wanna go near yo mama's ass, make sure you look out for "hanging chads", if ya know what I mean. And I don't think you do.
...North Korea is trying to develop a weapon based on them. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
...she was nearly killed when she caused a heat seeking missile at a local testing range to divert from its original course. (email@example.com) Back in my day, we called them "heat-seeking-moisture-missiles"...ah, the wonderment of youth. Oh, c'mon, hot flashes...drenched in sweat...do I have to explain ALL of these??
...that all the sperm would get boiled on their way to the egg, anyway. (firstname.lastname@example.org) Those that didn't run the hell away first, anyway.
....she'll be used to light the 2008 Beijing Olympic opening day parade. (email@example.com)
...she could toast a Pop-Tart in her hoo hoo. (Sorry) (firstname.lastname@example.org) Like hell you're sorry!
...that Santa Claus refuses to come down her chimney. (email@example.com) Or up, but let's not go there.
...that wasn't another sun in 2010. (firstname.lastname@example.org) Holy Jumping Jupiter, Batman!
...even Satan's reaching for his fan. (PAdams002@hotmail.com)
...she has to carry a drip pan everywhere she goes. (Airfarcewon@aol.com) Hormone gravy?? Ooops sorry, thought you said homemade.
...there's a perfect outline of her body singed into her sheets. (Kamasushi@gmail.com) Experts in Turin refused to comment.
...she's accused of being an agent of Satan. If she comes within 100 yards of any church, she'll be arrested as a sects offender. (email@example.com)
...she finished writing her will in the nick of time before she spontaneously combusted. (firstname.lastname@example.org) And when yo mama's brassiere suddenly pops a hook...everyone's gonna get combusted. You should be punished severely for that one, Cad.
...they're thinking of casting her in the next Fantastic Four movie as a sidekick for the Human Torch. (email@example.com) You mean someone actually is thinking of MAKING another one of those things? Screw the Torch; Jessica Alba is the hot one.
...when she sits with her knees apart, the air conditioner kicks on. (Truckerex@insightbb.com)
...she's banned from visiting Malibu during dry season. (firstname.lastname@example.org; email@example.com) Damn...prohibition still is going on in California?
...every month, she gets accused of cooking the books...at the public library. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
...you could fry pork chops on her ass. (email@example.com) Uh...hopefully not the 'bone in' kind? OK, that's it! You can both pay for my Ambien next month.
...Krispy Kreme hired her to stand by the doughnuts so they could keep the "Hot Glazed Now" sign on longer. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
This is sick on SO many levels.... such as, what were you DOING there??
...it looks like there's a photo shoot going on every time I pass her bedroom window. (Kamasushi@gmail.com)
And ain't no one in their right mind gonna wake up mama to ask...
...you can't tell if she has night sweats, or if it's just a leak in her water bed. (email@example.com)
Well, Bucko and I put our heads together and decided the new contest this time around would be one that firstname.lastname@example.org suggested. Now any regular knows tpanner is by far our "opening blurby king"...and he came up with what we thought would make a great ongoing contest. We supply two actual "opening blurby"-type set-ups and you complete it in a madcap, zany, off-the-wall kinda way. One will be a "this day in history" one and the other will be a "birth or death day". We figure by having two - you double your shot at winning...plus it will be twice as fun. Hopefully. This time around we supplied an example tpanner sent us which we recently used as an opening blurby...just so you get the idea of what we are looking for.
We'll also need a name for this contest...and if we choose yours, you'll win a whopping 50 Rat's Asses. Just send your ideas in for a name as you would an entry.
On this day 74 years ago, the ban on James Joyce's "Ulysses" is lifted in the US. One official admits, "you ever try to read this thing? Be my guest - it might as well have been written in Greek."