(updated 15 Sep 07)

Drek provided by Cad and Bucko

Yo Mama is such a bad Shakespearean actor...

...she says, "To be or not to be, that ain't no question!" (Airfarcewon@aol.com)

...she's lost eight auditions to Fran Drescher. (monetmonet@artlover.com)

...she pronounces "Othello" as "Oh,Hell,No!" (Airfarcewon@aol.com) Speaking of "Hell, no!":

...claims her favorite play is "As You Lick It". (Airfarcewon@aol.com) I am NOT going there! Nor I here...

...she wears a codpiece, and...forget it, I'm not going there. (gerg17@comcast.net)

...when she plays the role of Desdemona, people cheer while she is being strangled. (GerriHan65@aol.com)

...they wouldn't even show deleted scenes of her on DVD. (vinyllover45@yahoo.com) Except for the ultra-widescreen edition, which was the only one that could accomodate her ass.

...that she's been reduced to selling giant pickles at the local Renaissance Festival. (gerg17@comcast.net)

...she keeps suggesting that the comedies have a wacky neighbor character. (tpanner@hotmail.com) ...who says wacky things like "Is that a happy dagger in your pants..." and "All the world's a stage and all the men merely playahz".

And then these entries, proving that Willie Boy was indeed a big Mac Daddy...

...she thinks "Macbeth" is something you get at McDonald's. (imwednesdayaddams@yahoo.com; BoyWonder1911@yahoo.com)

...she thought MacBeth was an employee at Mickey D's. (Airfarcewon@aol.com)

...she'll say, "Hail to the Burger King...but, I like a Macbeth!" (Airfarcewon@aol.com; jaberwock@yahooy.com)

...she thought "Taming of the Shrew" was a do-it-yourself book on training rodents. (jaberwock@yahooy.com)

...when she played Juliet, the entire audience stood up and cheered when she did the suicide scene. Whoops, spoiler alert! Sorry. (AuntShecky711@aol.com)

...she coughs and spits out phlegm, saying "TB or not TB, that is the question." (tphyll@aol.com) I'd have had a really great "best of tines, worst of tines" pun...but...alas, wrong author. And for the life of me, I cannot tell what the dickens his name is!

...she thinks "The Bard of Avon" wrote about cosmetics. (tphyll@aol.com)

...Bucko declared that he "hadn't seen acting talent like that since Steven Segal". (monetmonet@artlover.com) Sure, it's pandering, but it's still funny!

...she learned everything she knows from the episode of Gilligan's Island where the castaways put on a musical version of Hamlet. (tpanner@hotmail.com)

...she auditioned for the part of "Boat Number 4" and didn't get the part. (scalpel@aol.com) I don't know.... I think she's fairly dinghy, myself.

...that Romeo took his own life... in the first act. (monetmonet@artlover.com)

...in London, she's referred to the "Emo Phillips of 'The Globe'". (monetmonet@artlover.com) Hey, he's got the hairdo, dammit.

...that her soliloquies turn into paranoid schizophrenic rants. (luganrn77@yahoo.com) ...oh, like no one in his plays ever was remotely paranoid.

...the fat lady sings just to keep her off the stage. (jdcoops3@aol.com)

...she thought "A Midsummer Night's Dream" was about a boy hitting puberty (jaberwock@yahooy.com) Boys don't "hit" puberty.... generally, they grab it first.

...she turned "Hamlet" into a comedy of errors. (vinyllover45@yahoo.com)

...when asked, "What light from yonder window breaks," she replies, "Hey man, watcha yo doin' looking into my window, yo sex maggot!!" (NITRAMXXX@aol.com) Tough line for old Billy Shake.... not much rhymes with "maggot".

...that even Yorick couldn't stand having known her well. (luganrn77@yahoo.com)

...she starts off the Hamlet soliloquy with "You is or you ain't". (monetmonet@artlover.com) Even Sartre couldn't find his way out of that.

...someone had to tell her "King Lear" does not normally include human beatboxing. (joseph-blevins@sbcglobal.net)

...that the boos drowned out the other actors......and that was during rehearsal from the stage crew. (skibip@aol.com) Techies are one tough crowd.

...she says "eth" on the end of every word, even the "f-word". (DaphnetheRed@yahoo.com)

...she's bard from going near a stage. (maxcel200@aol.com) Talk about having to suffer slings.

...she thinks Mercutio is an Italian luxury car. (cdmauger@aol.com)

...you can actually understand what the hell she's saying. (tpanner@hotmail.com)

Yeah, but what about those thousand monkeys with the typewriters...

...even Francis Bacon won't take credit for anything she acts in. (GerriHan65@aol.com)

Zounds! No one wants to see THAT bare bodkin, I'll lay odds....

...she was arrested for trying to couplet in public. (gerg17@comcast.net)