Yo Mama is such a bad Shakespearean actor...
...she says, "To be or not to be, that ain't no question!" (Airfarcewon@aol.com)
...she's lost eight auditions to Fran Drescher. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
...she pronounces "Othello" as "Oh,Hell,No!" (Airfarcewon@aol.com) Speaking of "Hell, no!":
...claims her favorite play is "As You Lick It". (Airfarcewon@aol.com) I am NOT going there! Nor I here...
...she wears a codpiece, and...forget it, I'm not going there. (email@example.com)
...when she plays the role of Desdemona, people cheer while she is being strangled. (GerriHan65@aol.com)
...they wouldn't even show deleted scenes of her on DVD. (firstname.lastname@example.org) Except for the ultra-widescreen edition, which was the only one that could accomodate her ass.
...that she's been reduced to selling giant pickles at the local Renaissance Festival. (email@example.com)
...she keeps suggesting that the comedies have a wacky neighbor character. (firstname.lastname@example.org) ...who says wacky things like "Is that a happy dagger in your pants..." and "All the world's a stage and all the men merely playahz".
And then these entries, proving that Willie Boy was indeed a big Mac Daddy...
...she thinks "Macbeth" is something you get at McDonald's. (email@example.com; BoyWonder1911@yahoo.com)
...she thought MacBeth was an employee at Mickey D's. (Airfarcewon@aol.com)
...she'll say, "Hail to the Burger King...but, I like a Macbeth!" (Airfarcewon@aol.com; firstname.lastname@example.org)
...she thought "Taming of the Shrew" was a do-it-yourself book on training rodents. (email@example.com)
...when she played Juliet, the entire audience stood up and cheered when she did the suicide scene. Whoops, spoiler alert! Sorry. (AuntShecky711@aol.com)
...she coughs and spits out phlegm, saying "TB or not TB, that is the question." (firstname.lastname@example.org) I'd have had a really great "best of tines, worst of tines" pun...but...alas, wrong author. And for the life of me, I cannot tell what the dickens his name is!
...she thinks "The Bard of Avon" wrote about cosmetics. (email@example.com)
...Bucko declared that he "hadn't seen acting talent like that since Steven Segal". (firstname.lastname@example.org) Sure, it's pandering, but it's still funny!
...she learned everything she knows from the episode of Gilligan's Island where the castaways put on a musical version of Hamlet. (email@example.com)
...she auditioned for the part of "Boat Number 4" and didn't get the part. (firstname.lastname@example.org) I don't know.... I think she's fairly dinghy, myself.
...that Romeo took his own life... in the first act. (email@example.com)
...in London, she's referred to the "Emo Phillips of 'The Globe'". (firstname.lastname@example.org) Hey, he's got the hairdo, dammit.
...that her soliloquies turn into paranoid schizophrenic rants. (email@example.com) ...oh, like no one in his plays ever was remotely paranoid.
...the fat lady sings just to keep her off the stage. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
...she thought "A Midsummer Night's Dream" was about a boy hitting puberty (email@example.com) Boys don't "hit" puberty.... generally, they grab it first.
...she turned "Hamlet" into a comedy of errors. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
...when asked, "What light from yonder window breaks," she replies, "Hey man, watcha yo doin' looking into my window, yo sex maggot!!" (NITRAMXXX@aol.com) Tough line for old Billy Shake.... not much rhymes with "maggot".
...that even Yorick couldn't stand having known her well. (email@example.com)
...she starts off the Hamlet soliloquy with "You is or you ain't". (firstname.lastname@example.org) Even Sartre couldn't find his way out of that.
...someone had to tell her "King Lear" does not normally include human beatboxing. (email@example.com)
...that the boos drowned out the other actors......and that was during rehearsal from the stage crew. (firstname.lastname@example.org) Techies are one tough crowd.
...she says "eth" on the end of every word, even the "f-word". (DaphnetheRed@yahoo.com)
...she's bard from going near a stage. (email@example.com) Talk about having to suffer slings.
...she thinks Mercutio is an Italian luxury car. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
...you can actually understand what the hell she's saying. (email@example.com)
Yeah, but what about those thousand monkeys with the typewriters...
...even Francis Bacon won't take credit for anything she acts in. (GerriHan65@aol.com)
Zounds! No one wants to see THAT bare bodkin, I'll lay odds....
...she was arrested for trying to couplet in public. (firstname.lastname@example.org)