(updated 1 Mar 09)
Drek provided by Cad and Bucko
Things Not To Say and/or Do On Valentine's Day
Do not say that you bought her flowers instead of chocolate because you wanted to help her keep her New Year's resolution of losing her fat ass. (email@example.com)
"Ok, you got your flowers. Bend over." (firstname.lastname@example.org))Well, that drives the point right home, doesn't it?
Give a self written card that reads:
Roses are Red,
Violets are Blue.
Last year in Vegas you sure were fine,
Now that the DNA tests proved the baby is mine. (DOrr221@comcast.net)
"Do you mind...I really need to take this call.....Hi honey....no...no....hello...hello....sorry about that!" (email@example.com)) Shoulda checked the Caller ID, Smedley!
I should probably print out this list and give it to my boyfriend...oh, that's right, I don't have one. Woe is me :( (YukiMerricoon@aol.com)
"Every year we're together, there's more of you to love." (firstname.lastname@example.org) Oh, I'm so sure you still can fit into that 'knight in shining armour' bit.
Give flowers to your sweety and a teddy to her mom (email@example.com) Just tell her that MILFs need love, too! Unless your sweety IS a MILF.... then you're a sick bastard.
Never think you're off the hook just because you're married! (DaphnetheRed@yahoo.com) Trouble in paradise, Red? ;)
Marry you? You're joking...right? (firstname.lastname@example.org) Not sure who is saying this to whom...but either way...well...it's pretty bad.
Ladies don't appreciate cards like this, believe me on this one:
When I think of you dear, it's ooh la la!
Let's ask your friend for a menage a trois. (email@example.com)
Even though she preserved the roses from last year, it's not a good idea to regift them. (firstname.lastname@example.org) It sends a bad message: "When I think of you, I think of dried out, shriveled and flat."
A step up from than that "gently loved" sex toy from eBay you were considering...
Wow! Who would've thought the Dollar Store would be this busy today? (email@example.com)