(updated 21 Aug 07)

Drek provided by Cad and Bucko

Yo Mama's skin is so bad...
(Topic suggested by maxcel200@aol.com)

...she only feels at home at sci-fi conventions. (gerg17@comcast.net)

You know it's a bad sign when both me AND Bucko made a Proctologist comment in this contest. And an even worse sign?...well...that whole "mayo" thing. Oh, do read on, people. :)

...people ask her about her tattoo even though she isn't inked. (archerjoe@hotmail.com)

...that even the Ebola virus gags at the thought of tasting her. (luganrn77@yahoo.com; BoyWonder1911@yahoo.com & other canniballers)

...all her pictures have the word "before" over them. (mashallaha@aol.com; Kamasushi@gmail.com) Funny, I'd thought they'd say "danger" or "biohazard".

...they take a real close up picture and call IT "Yo Momasemity". (NITRAMXXX@aol.com)

...the Constitution revoked her right to Bare Arms (Airfarcewon@aol.com) Unfortunately, the damn NRA got her off.

Take that how you list.

...her goosebumps filed a complaint with PETA. (Airfarcewon@aol.com)

...she makes Freddie Krueger look like Orlando Bloom. (GrigsbyOK@hotmail.com)

...a farmer tried to pick her head mistaking it for a celery root. (Okay, you have to know what these look like.) (ParisIuvsMe@aol.com) Yes, I know what they look like...altho celeriac sounds more like a disease than a veggie...and looking at her still makes you get sick to your stomach.

...she's paid for more pink Mary Kay Cadillacs than Tammy Faye. (DaphnetheRed@yahoo.com)

...she never needs no KY jelly for sex. (edprocoat@msn.com) You, sir, are gross.

...President Bush now lists her as a potential new source of oil. (joseph-blevins@sbcglobal.net)

...you can't tell where the eczema ends and the leprosy begins. (ReineDeDouleur@yahoo.com) You, madam, are grosser still.

...her liver spots are now sprouting onions. (maxcel200@aol.com)

...they have kids do crayon rubbings on her face at the planetarium to make moonscape pictures. (stan@squidworks.com)

...she makes her own mayo! (monetmonet@artlover.com) Okay, you win the gross-out contest, I think. Thank you very much...NOT! That's the second most disgusting entry you've ever sent.

...GoogleEarth tried to map her face. (ParisIuvsMe@aol.com) Cheney, in the only non-evil move he's made in office, had it blurred.

...the people at Proactiv told her to wear make-up, she made the people at Oil of Olay say 'Oy Vay', and got offered a job in the circus... all in one day. (MindgameFiziks@hotmail.com)

...she files her nails on her neck. (jdcoops3@aol.com)

...I was grating cheese on her yesterday. (timamod@aol.com) What do you mean? African or European?

...she asks bulldogs for their beauty secrets. (GerriHan65@aol.com)

...she uses it to clean her cooking pots and pans. (NITRAMXXX@aol.com)

...her dermatologist took one look at her and said, "F*ck this, I'm going to dental school!" (joseph-blevins@sbcglobal.net) Could be worse...he could be going to proctology school.

...her mirror committed suicide. (GerriHan65@aol.com)

...that when she auditioned for Star Wars, George Lucas chose Jabba the Hut because he was more photogenic. (Pmacca01@yahoo.co.uk) More sexily svelte, too.

...she's on Max Factor's most wanted list. (Airfarcewon@aol.com; jaberwok@yahooy.com)

...3M named a line of sandpaper after her (brat.cat@verizon.net; DavidGoTribe@aol.com, other crafty men) Fine, medium, coarse.... and "fugly".

...her ad in the personals says "Shingle white female". (vinyllover45@yahoo.com)

...it's even started to affect her inner beauty. (gerg17@comcast.net) Ouch!

...even Stevie Wonder said, "Goddamn!" (mulepiper@yahoo.com)

...she combs her cat with her cheeks while she is cuddling him. (NITRAMXXX@aol.com) WHICH cheeks? Then again, don't answer that.

...she has to use a jackhammer to pop her zits! (erniedacabdriver@netscape.net)

...Medusa asked her for beauty tips. (GerriHan65@aol.com) She must been stoned.

...she has more eruptions than Kilauea volcano. (tpanner@hotmail.com)

She tried seeing a dermatologist for her face.... he sent her to a proctologist.

...you keep an umbrella between you and her in case sumptin' bursts! (luganrn77@yahoo.com)

...bees put on condoms before they sting her (Airfarcewon@aol.com) Ribbed, of course. Not for her pleasure, they just feel more at home.

...the moon called her up and said it wants its craters back. (inexorableeagle@aol.com)

...she makes Edward James Olmos' look silky smooth. (ParisIuvsMe@aol.com)

...she's rolling in poison ivy to make it look better. (skibip@aol.com) And did the ivy, in fact, look better?

...when she came to the door, Pizza Hut tried to put her face back in the box. (kamasushi@gmail.com)

...they faked the moon landing on her butt. (rsherman@netplexgroup.com) Just so long as she doesn't moon us.

...you put her picture on poison bottles as a warning. (GerriHan65@aol.com)

...when she yawns, she looks like a sesame bagel. (GerriHan65@aol.com) Better than one of those "everything" ones, I am guessing.

...she only sends her x-ray pictures to her dating service. (maxcel200@aol.com)

...at Christmas, she rubs her arms and all the kids think it's snowing. (jdcoops3@aol.com) Mama always was a bit flaky.

...even the creep from Silence of the Lambs doesn't want it. (luganrn77@yahoo.com)

UGH!! This made me so sick, you can buy me a new keyboard, sister....

...she scrapes the grease off it instead of buying Crisco. (DaphnetheRed@yahoo.com)

You know, I sense a whole Tweak in here someplace...

...they renamed the disease eczemama. (lhill@vhb.com)