Yo Mama's skin is so bad...
(Topic suggested by email@example.com)
...she only feels at home at sci-fi conventions. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
You know it's a bad sign when both me AND Bucko made a Proctologist comment in this contest. And an even worse sign?...well...that whole "mayo" thing. Oh, do read on, people. :)
...people ask her about her tattoo even though she isn't inked. (email@example.com)
...that even the Ebola virus gags at the thought of tasting her. (firstname.lastname@example.org; BoyWonder1911@yahoo.com & other canniballers)
...all her pictures have the word "before" over them. (email@example.com; Kamasushi@gmail.com) Funny, I'd thought they'd say "danger" or "biohazard".
...they take a real close up picture and call IT "Yo Momasemity". (NITRAMXXX@aol.com)
...the Constitution revoked her right to Bare Arms (Airfarcewon@aol.com) Unfortunately, the damn NRA got her off.
Take that how you list.
...her goosebumps filed a complaint with PETA. (Airfarcewon@aol.com)
...she makes Freddie Krueger look like Orlando Bloom. (GrigsbyOK@hotmail.com)
...a farmer tried to pick her head mistaking it for a celery root. (Okay, you have to know what these look like.) (ParisIuvsMe@aol.com) Yes, I know what they look like...altho celeriac sounds more like a disease than a veggie...and looking at her still makes you get sick to your stomach.
...she's paid for more pink Mary Kay Cadillacs than Tammy Faye. (DaphnetheRed@yahoo.com)
...she never needs no KY jelly for sex. (firstname.lastname@example.org) You, sir, are gross.
...President Bush now lists her as a potential new source of oil. (email@example.com)
...you can't tell where the eczema ends and the leprosy begins. (ReineDeDouleur@yahoo.com) You, madam, are grosser still.
...her liver spots are now sprouting onions. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
...they have kids do crayon rubbings on her face at the planetarium to make moonscape pictures. (email@example.com)
...she makes her own mayo! (firstname.lastname@example.org) Okay, you win the gross-out contest, I think. Thank you very much...NOT! That's the second most disgusting entry you've ever sent.
...GoogleEarth tried to map her face. (ParisIuvsMe@aol.com) Cheney, in the only non-evil move he's made in office, had it blurred.
...the people at Proactiv told her to wear make-up, she made the people at Oil of Olay say 'Oy Vay', and got offered a job in the circus... all in one day. (MindgameFiziks@hotmail.com)
...she files her nails on her neck. (email@example.com)
...I was grating cheese on her yesterday. (firstname.lastname@example.org) What do you mean? African or European?
...she asks bulldogs for their beauty secrets. (GerriHan65@aol.com)
...she uses it to clean her cooking pots and pans. (NITRAMXXX@aol.com)
...her dermatologist took one look at her and said, "F*ck this, I'm going to dental school!" (email@example.com) Could be worse...he could be going to proctology school.
...her mirror committed suicide. (GerriHan65@aol.com)
...that when she auditioned for Star Wars, George Lucas chose Jabba the Hut because he was more photogenic. (Pmacca01@yahoo.co.uk) More sexily svelte, too.
...she's on Max Factor's most wanted list. (Airfarcewon@aol.com; firstname.lastname@example.org)
...3M named a line of sandpaper after her (email@example.com; DavidGoTribe@aol.com, other crafty men) Fine, medium, coarse.... and "fugly".
...her ad in the personals says "Shingle white female". (firstname.lastname@example.org)
...it's even started to affect her inner beauty. (email@example.com) Ouch!
...even Stevie Wonder said, "Goddamn!" (firstname.lastname@example.org)
...she combs her cat with her cheeks while she is cuddling him. (NITRAMXXX@aol.com) WHICH cheeks? Then again, don't answer that.
...she has to use a jackhammer to pop her zits! (email@example.com)
...Medusa asked her for beauty tips. (GerriHan65@aol.com) She must been stoned.
...she has more eruptions than Kilauea volcano. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
She tried seeing a dermatologist for her face.... he sent her to a proctologist.
...you keep an umbrella between you and her in case sumptin' bursts! (email@example.com)
...bees put on condoms before they sting her (Airfarcewon@aol.com) Ribbed, of course. Not for her pleasure, they just feel more at home.
...the moon called her up and said it wants its craters back. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
...she makes Edward James Olmos' look silky smooth. (ParisIuvsMe@aol.com)
...she's rolling in poison ivy to make it look better. (email@example.com) And did the ivy, in fact, look better?
...when she came to the door, Pizza Hut tried to put her face back in the box. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
...they faked the moon landing on her butt. (email@example.com) Just so long as she doesn't moon us.
...you put her picture on poison bottles as a warning. (GerriHan65@aol.com)
...when she yawns, she looks like a sesame bagel. (GerriHan65@aol.com) Better than one of those "everything" ones, I am guessing.
...she only sends her x-ray pictures to her dating service. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
...at Christmas, she rubs her arms and all the kids think it's snowing. (email@example.com) Mama always was a bit flaky.
...even the creep from Silence of the Lambs doesn't want it. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
UGH!! This made me so sick, you can buy me a new keyboard, sister....
...she scrapes the grease off it instead of buying Crisco. (DaphnetheRed@yahoo.com)
You know, I sense a whole Tweak in here someplace...
...they renamed the disease eczemama. (email@example.com)