(updated 22 Jul 07)
Drek provided by Cad and Bucko
Yo Mama loves Pop Tarts so much...
...she uses them to come down from her heroin addiction. (email@example.com)
Now, a few from the bottom of the pile...
...they're naming the next flavor after her. Nasty meatloaf with gas. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
...she tried to call Milton the Toaster to tell him about her Strawberry Pop Tart Blow-Torches she made when she farts...she still has Nasty Gas from the outcome. (DOrr221@comcast.net)
...she'll pop a tart one just to get a second whiff (email@example.com)
...and a couple from the top...
...she heats 'em in her bra and eats 'em at work. (Airfarcewon@aol.com)
...she keeps a couple under her breasts at all times since she just can't bother waiting on the toaster. (ParisIuvsMe@aol.com) Ummm...thanks for that visual I should have lived my whole life without.
...she watches Janet Jackson videos ALL DAY LONG! (firstname.lastname@example.org)
...she even eats the new vegan flavors. (email@example.com) I didn't even know they HAD meat flavors until:
...they made a flavor just for her. Bacon Flavored Pop-Tarts. (DOrr221@comcast.net) Who says this contest has no educational value, Cad? You got me. I, for one, always list it on my resume.
...that she hasn't been down the feminine hygiene products aisle at the store for years. (LouMizzou@yahoo.com; firstname.lastname@example.org)
...when she breast feeds you (even though you are 25), instead of milk, strawberry filling comes out of her nipple. (email@example.com)
...your daddy has to dip himself in frosting just to get a little "lip service." (GerriHan65@aol.com) So THAT'S why the toaster has a "glory hole".
...she figured out how to make a salad with them. (firstname.lastname@example.org) And that Balsamic Strawberry Frosted Dressing? To die for!
...she'll eat 'em outta any 'box' she can find. (email@example.com)
...she just uses her one tooth to cleave them down the middle to get right to those tasty insides. (ParisIuvsMe@aol.com)
...she's just started freebasing them. (DavidGoTribe@aol.com) She has her Pryorities all wrong.
...she got a tattoo of Britney on her ass. (ParisIuvsMe@aol.com; firstname.lastname@example.org)
She brought a toaster with her when she went to take her yearly bath. The funeral's tomorrow. (email@example.com) Mama woulda been so proud to be carted out in that insulated body bag...looked just like a foil pouch.
...she toasted and ate my iPod. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
...she even grabs for a dyslexic's 'top parts.' (Curmudgeon651@comcast.net) Unfortunately for her, most Tasmanian Devils are dyslexic....
...that she doesn't notice Papa popping all the neighborhood tarts. (AuntShecky711@aol.com)
...she burns her tongue lickin' the crumbs out of the bottom of the toaster. (Truckerex@insightbb.com; email@example.com) Yet, for some reason, the guys are always lined up halfway 'round the block just to eat breakfast there.
...she once killed a man for having Toaster Strudels in his shopping cart! (DavidGoTribe@aol.com)
It says "Cherry", but nobody believes it....
...she had the name of her favorite flavor tattooed on HER box. (GerriHan65@aol.com)
Well, that's thinking out of the box...
...she hasn't had a square meal for three years...just rectangular ones. (firstname.lastname@example.org)