(updated 24 Jun 05)

Hosted by Jankath

Angelina Jolie: Marriage Tips

Also known as: Practicing your Croft (Airfarcewon@aol.com)

"Just like NASCAR...spend a little more time in the Pitt..." (Airfarcewon@aol.com)

"Like I said in all those interviews, 'I'd never sleep with a man who was married'...maybe that's why I've gotten divorced twice." (JustBond@earthlink.net)

"Be sure to sterilize the needle before drawing your lover's blood." (giraffic_art@yahoo.com)

"Never, and I repeat never, sign anything in your own blood... always use his." (bhsmrtgrrl@yahoo.com)

"If they can't pick you up and slam you against the wall, they are not good enough for you." (gromitopia@yahoo.com)

No matter what she promises, remember these words: "Offer Voight where prohibited." (HerzogVon@aol.com)

"Always a bonus: He can perform oral sex on you...when you're both standing." (GrigsbyOK@hotmail.com)

"Don't really get a tattoo with his name on it, just find someone who's really good with a Sharpie." (tpanner@inorbit.com)

"I see marriage as a two-way street: They come to me, and later I send them back." (old.curmudgeon@hmoforum.com)

"When slipping your brother some tongue and rubbing yourself all over him, probably you shouldn't do it on national TV." (LouMizzou@yahoo.com) Yeah, you can see how that has really hurt HER love life.

"Old vials of blood make excellent Christmas ornaments." (scalpel@aol.com)

"Always remember the three Ps: Pout, Pucker and Phelatio." (HerzogVon@aol.com)

"Never allow him to bite your lips, because your collagen might explode." (DaphnetheRed@yahoo.com)

"If he doesn't feel like getting tied down, tie him down anyway!" (murdoctor@aol.com)

"Make your lips so big that the opposite sex is pulled into orbit around them." (fparsons@yahoo.com)

Eventually, even raiding those tombs gets boring...

"If you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with..and the ones they've been with...and the ones they only wish they could be with." (gromitopia@yahoo.com)