(updated 29 Jun 07)

Drek provided by Cad and Bucko

Yo Mama got such nasty gas...

...she lit a cigarette and accidentally launched a space shuttle. (ldolphin34@hotmail.com)

...lungs have been known to commit suicide before they'd inhale around her. (GrigsbyOK@hotmail.com)

...she's on Al Gore's "biggest negative impact" list. (archerjoe@hotmail.com; Airfarcewon@aol.com & a zillion others) Greenhouse effect, outhouse, whatever....

...you open the cover to the cesspool because it smells better. (GerriHan65@aol.com)

...she works at Guantanamo, interrogating prisoners. (tphyll@aol.com) How are they supposed to "talk" when they're gagging?

...her farts register on the Richter scale. (joseph-blevins@sbcglobal.net) And also the Scoville?

...even the guy from "Dirty Jobs" has refused to go near her. (mulepiper@yahoo.com)

Our ode...er...to New Jersey...

...the Texas Department of Corrections uses her for the executions. (archerjoe@hotmail.com; tphyll@aol.com) Cruel? Yes. Unusual? Also yes; she fires 'em in from Jersey.

...that we booked a trip to Newark and Trenton in order to get some fresh air. (skibip@aol.com)

...New Jersey named her the state flower. (archerjoe@hotmail.com) Sort of like a Black-eyed Susan, but....

...people don't carry a torch for her...just a lot of matches. (maxcel200@aol.com)

...we gotta repaint the walls every few days (DaphnetheRed@yahoo.com) Hey, why not capitalize off it like tphyll here did...

...she's now working as a wall-paint remover for a construction company. (tphyll@aol.com)

...she farted underwater and ALL the whales became extinct. (jdcoops3@aol.com)

...she has the skunks using tomato juice when she's around. (humorbear@aol.com) By the way.... who thought that Clamato Juice was a good idea? Huh? Huh? Huh?

...she has Air Wicks strapped to her thighs (mashallaha@aol.com)

...she doesn't just break wind, she gives it a compound fracture! (Airfarcewon@aol.com)

...she needs to use three cans of Summer's Eve. (humorbear@aol.com) Uh, Cad, YOU wanna explain this one? Sorry, no can do.

... the Chinese government is starting to complain about the air quality. (mahoneycjm@comcast.net)

...even the dogs won't sleep with her. (DOrr221@comcast.net) Unless she buys them a few drinks first and wears a bacon nightie.

...the Sphinx is glad to be missing its nose. (tstrontium90@aol.com)

...that even her meatloaf smells better than her stank. (lhill@bryant.edu) Yeah, I knew this one was coming....

...that we feed her asparagus in order to sweeten the smell in her bathroom. (skibip@aol.com)

...Taco Bell only lets her order if she gets it "To Go." (CoyPsyche@aol.com)

...she's earned her own 'severe methane warning' segment on the Weather Channel. (GrandPoobah651@comcast.net) Nice going! Now Cad will be drooling over Jim Cantore again! Hey, I did notice recently he's not wearing a wedding ring anymore...I mean, not that I was looking or anything.

...she'd make Mount Rushmore statues hold their noses. (Airfarcewon@aol.com)

...North Korea has agreed to disarm. (tphyll@aol.com)

...she appears in an orchestra in the "concussion" section. (tphyll@aol.com) Oh, c'mon, does it HAVE to be the "1812 Overture" AGAIN???

...she's prohibited from dancing cheek to cheek. (tphyll@aol.com)

...that the EPA is making her wear catalytic converter Depends (Airfarcewon@aol.com)

...that physicists have found 8 new heavy elements in it. (zenphoenix@yahoo.com) And don't even ask about the half-life of that thing.

...she cured the dog from sniffing butts. (shep@compascable.net)

...that even Shrek passes out when she lets one go. (anad1992@yahoo.com)

...that she is a known to be a person of extreme intestinal fartitude! (maxcel200@aol.com) Another assinine pun, eh, Max?

...that if she walks too near an open flame, somebody'll yell "OH, THE HUMANITY!" (GrandPoobah651@comcast.net)

...that if your hot dogs taste a bit nasty, you know they connected her ass to the barbecue grill again! (maxcel200@aol.com; tphyll@aol.com) Talk about a "gas"tronomical feast for the senses!

...that the hog farmer next door has called to complain about noxious odors. (lhill@bryant.edu)

...even Dick Cheney won't pump her for it. (tstrontium90@aol.com) That's the most God-awful visual yet (HWARVE!).

...yet you never complain about it. Because you know how much you are saving at the fuel pump. (davidgotribe@aol.com)

...that you have to bring a canary when you visit. (lsamarri@aol.com)

Did you say assid?...

...the family's been using muriatic acid for eyedrops for the soothing relief. (GrigsbyOK@hotmail.com)

This has GOT to be a sign of the Apocalypse....

...even sixth graders are too grossed out to make a joke about it. (mimsydivine@earthlink.net)