(updated 2 Feb 08)
(Pay no attention to that title up above this one - we will make a new one very soon)
Drek provided by Cad and Bucko
29 January 1954: We'd like to wish a happy 54th birthday to Oprah Winfrey...
23 January 1845: Congress agrees that all national elections in the U.S. will fall on the Tuesday following the first Monday in November.
Because Ohcuorg Winfrey just wouldn't have the same ring to it. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Though congress is strongly considering moving it to sometime in August when there's really nothing on TV. (email@example.com)
Coincidentally, this is the same day that the Tweak of the Week gets updated. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
And thus started the Era of Confusing Policy. (Stevothehuman@gmail.com) Culminating with the Bush administration?
What do you get a lady that has everything...no really she HAS everything! (DOrr221@comcast.net)
The talk show diva gave everyone in her entire audience each a brand new car. Meanwhile, on another channel, Mr. Sandy Wong gets a special gift from Ellen DeGeneres....A remote controlled toy car with dual inflatable air condoms. (email@example.com) Sandy Wong? Sounds like what you get when you have sex on the beach.
Which reminds me: Everyone get your butt over & play Mediacrity.... then you'll get the joke!
If you forget that date, you'll be a stedman, er dead man. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Originally, it was the Tuesday following the first Monday of the first month ending in "r" that doesn't have a blue moon in a non-leap year that isn't evenly divisible by 500 and isn't a particularly good month for making apricot preserves provided there is also a shortage of Mason jars due to limited supplies of coal to fire the ovens or a walkout ordered by the glass blower's union. (email@example.com)
Thank goodness every year her magazine doesn't have to do a big ten year O. (firstname.lastname@example.org) See, I though a "Big O" was something entirely different.
Actually, this was to accommodate past Senator Strom Thurmond because on Mondays he'd cruise his slave quarters. (Humorbear@aol.com)
FEB 22, 2008 NITRAMXXX WILL BE 92 AND IS NOT SLOWING DOWN. IT IS THIS FUN GAME THAT KEEPS HIM GOING!!! (NITRAMXXX@AOL.COM) Who, coincidentally, voted this election law into existence ;) Just teasing...happy birthday, Nitra! :) Righteous, my man!
Who celebrated her birthday by giving away houses to 150 homeless people, but unfortunately they were all taken away by the IRS after they couldn't come up with the money to pay the taxes on them. (email@example.com)
The only talk show host who can afford to give away more cars in one day than Bob Barker did in 32 years. (firstname.lastname@example.org) Ironically she was responsible for as many neuterings.
...for being one of the few people in America who could get congressional approval to have someone killed. (email@example.com)
On the Tuesday following the first Monday of November 2008, Americans agree they will never vote for George W. Bush again. (firstname.lastname@example.org) Now THERE'S a date in history worth celebrating!
They originally agreed on the first Tuesday of the month following the second Monday.. but Florida was so confused they elected Bush a week early and he wasn't even born yet, then someone named Chad was hanged for it. The End. (email@example.com)
In case of a tie, the top candidates will play Fizzbin to decide who gets a piece of the action. (firstname.lastname@example.org) Anyone getting a Shronk will be disqualified.
Giving everyone in her studio audience a 2005 BMW Mini Cooper and a Bobble-head doll of Sandy Wong....Or should that be "Bobbitt-head"? (email@example.com)
Tom Cruise sent a trampoline as a gift (also doubles as a couch). (firstname.lastname@example.org) What? You're not suggesting that Tom would do something stooooopid, are you?
...and hope that she comes out of the closet like Ellen, 'cause this whole Stedman thing ain't fooling nobody! (DaphnetheRed@yahoo.com; email@example.com)
"W" Bush read this and he was on it, baby... took him and staff of five three hours just to find a calendar. (firstname.lastname@example.org) And then elucidated, "Five goes into three, um two...uh...two...um...Tue...sday! I somehow get it all now!"
It was going to be the first Monday in November, but that conflicted with "orientation day" for congressional pages. (email@example.com)
Because of Mr. Wong's on-going "auto-eroticism" he now is classified as having Restless Third-leg Syndrome. (firstname.lastname@example.org) His brother has it, too, but two Wongs don't make it right.
Other dates considered included the first Wednesday after the second Saturday in September, the first Thursday in October that falls on an even numbered date, and two Tuesdays after the first full moon following the Autumnal Equinox. (email@example.com)
There must have been an awful lot of blondes working in Congress back then to not know that Tuesday always follows Monday. (firstname.lastname@example.org) I think they were just Whigs.
The U.S. is committed to environmentally responsible voting; we've recycled our presidential families since 1988. (email@example.com)
I don't know, but all those damn ads for it sure are hard on a guy....
Yet another example of the pharmaceutical lobbying presence... All Erections will fall on the Tuesday following the first Monday in November? Just how long has Viagra been in "development" anyway? (CoyPsyche@aol.com)
Ouch...you sMardi-pants, you!...
Prior to 1845, elections were held the on the Tuesday following Oprah's birthday, which is now known as Fat Tuesday. (NYGeezer@aol.com)