(updated 5 Mar 08)
(Pay no attention to that title up above this one - we will make a new one very soon)
Drek provided by Cad and Bucko
Grant Wood (13 Feb 1891 - 12 Feb 1942) (painted "American Gothic") - born near Anamosa, Iowa.
February 24, 1582: Pope Gregory XIII corrected mistakes on the Julian calendar by dropping 10 days and directing that the day after October 4, 1582 would be October 15. The Gregorian, or New Style calendar, was then adopted by Catholic countries, followed gradually by Protestant and other nations.
Junior high school students everywhere will snicker at the very mention of your name. (email@example.com)
That explains why they look so glum, it was all that Anamosity between them (Daphne made a pun! :) ) (DaphnetheRed@yahoo.com) You will be suitably punished.
So Christmas used to be December 15? (firstname.lastname@example.org) Yes, which, coincidentally, is also my birthday.
This proves one thing: that while Rudy "I'm-The-Last-To-Know" Guiliani was giving a Florida speech last week, his wife called him again to tell him the world wasn't on Julian time anymore. (email@example.com)
Also at the same time the it was the beginning of the western Gregorian Chant while checking out the new, revised "Roman Catacomb Chick" Calendars were made popular. (firstname.lastname@example.org) Yeah, but those bimbos were as skinny as skeletons.
And just like the Catholics, the first thing the Protestants did was take up a collection. (DaphnetheRed@yahoo.com)
A vicious bunch of children whose birthdays got skipped showed up in Rome and kicked the Pope where it counts, which caused the Pope to lose another couple of days (DaphnetheRed@yahoo.com) So, it was a "Cherries Jubilee with Crushed Nuts".
OK, that one worked way too hard.... I blame it on not drinking.
"Grant Wood" sounds like the name of a penis enhancement drug. (Airfarcewon@aol.com)
But...but...what if your birthday was in there? WAAAAAH! (DaphnetheRed@yahoo.com; email@example.com, lots of other whiners) Let me see, there's a term for this, uh.... oh, yeah: "Shit out of luck, sister."
Yeah, Protestants always were a little slow. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Every man who had a wedding anniversary between October 5th and October 14th of that year was eternally grateful to the Pontiff. (email@example.com) But not as happy as all those people who were planning to get married on one of days. Sure...they were mad at first, but they emphatically thanked him later.
The Jewish people, choosing to keep the traditional calendar, are regretting their decision, as the accumulation of an added ten days every year has set them 273 years behind the rest of civilization. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Poor fellow, died just shy of his fifty-first birthday..I guess the Lord wouldn't Grant Wood one more day. (Airfarcewon@aol.com) Yes, you are going to have to answer to this, not me.
If only he granted some wood to the guy holding the pitchfork, that couple would be smiling. (email@example.com)
Anyone who owns an original can honestly claim they've got Wood. (firstname.lastname@example.org) People owning forgeries only THINK they have Wood.
Jeez! What an ego. He's got a calendar, a chant and an alphabet named after him. What's next, a sports drink? "Gregorian Go Juice: Suck It Down Baby." (email@example.com) I got arrested for saying the same thing at the Girl Scout Cookies table outside S-Mart. Geez, I just thought they might be thirsty....
BullSHIT! my anniversary is October 7 and we're not skipping it, even backwards! (DaphnetheRed@yahoo.com)
Isn't this the same douchebag who came up with daylight savings time? (firstname.lastname@example.org) Actually, that was Benjamin Franklin, you communist bastard!
Well, a lot of head scratching went on in heaven. But, God said, "Damn those things I made are at it again! Now we will all need to change our calendars!!! (NITRAMXXX@aol.com)
Switzerland remains neutral, abetting the dropped 10 days to give the Hedonists an extra 10 days to party and to give the Atheists 10 days to yell "OH GOD" off the clock. (Onefriendsreply2@aol.com) Smite me! I never knew "OH GOD" was ever ON the clock.
The Roosevelt Democrats wanted Mr. Wood's 1930, Depression era, American Gothic to have the farming couple standing completely nude. But, an extremely pissed Hoover killed it, saying '29 wasn't that fucking bad. (email@example.com)
Just one of the many things to do in the 14th century before the invention of porn. (firstname.lastname@example.org) What, the Black Death wasn't amusing enough for them? Babies.
He also started the cliche "we're getting a little ahead of ourselves here". (email@example.com)
I know a certain operator of a humorous website that I'd like to "Grant Wood" to, if you know what I mean! (firstname.lastname@example.org) Wow...um...WHO??? I've got my own, thanks.
Today's painters of American Gothics only need one color. Black. (email@example.com)
"Grant Wood?" you mean you had to get permission?? (DaphnetheRed@yahoo.com) A little known fact, back in her day, Miss Martha there was on the cover of "Ankles and Arches"...definitely caused a ruckus back then. You can see how pissed off her husband was about getting permission, right? Especially after knowing what a slut she was.
His work stands strong next to the flimsy efforts of his lesser known cousin, Balsa Wood. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
When asked about his inspiration for American Gothic, Woods claimed "the overflowing joy of growing up as a repressed white Calvinist during the Depression in the Midwest." (email@example.com) "Plus the wife was hot and I wanted to do her."
By this simple stroke of genius, the Pope got the Vatican debt free, since he had a written agreement from the church's creditors that all their bills would be paid on October 10, 1582. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
He was going to add a daylight savings time just to further piss everybody off, but then he realized that 98 percent of the population didn't own clocks. (email@example.com) Oh, stop...the poor guy was just daylusional.
Wouldn't it be nice if we could just drop a day or two off the calendar now and then, in particular, say maybe, April 15th..? (Airfarcewon@aol.com)
Wasn't this the theme for the movie, "The Hunt For Red October"? (Airfarcewon@aol.com) Something was.
If I'd been around then, it would have been my luck for this period to have been my vacation time. (Airfarcewon@aol.com; WJKbase@aol.com)
So October 4, 1582 was followed by October 15....And I thought Y2K was a big mess. (firstname.lastname@example.org) You wouldn't believe how many abaci crashed.
WHAT? It's the plural of abacus, how dare you think I'd just make something up to make myself look clever!
And eventually he settled on the Girls of Penthouse calendar. (email@example.com)
Many people don't know this, but Grant Wood passed on the day before he would have turned 51 years old while playing a card game. His family was saddened, but relieved, when they found out they did not have to play 52 pick-up. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Grant Wood was actually born in the obscure village of Amnesia, Iowa... or was he? I forget. (email@example.com)
While Pope Gregory's calendar was a smash hit, he didn't have as much success with his line of kitchen utensils, and it would be centuries before the Gregorian colander caught on. (firstname.lastname@example.org) Well, one theory is...it's because it had so many holes in it.
By all accounts his dying words were, "stick a pitchfork in me. I'm done." (email@example.com)
And I thought I was the ONLY one!...
Yep, and that's why I'm still writing 1582 on my checks. (DaphnetheRed@yahoo.com)
"Get a move on it, time's a-wasiting"....
However, it took several years for the news to spread to other countries on the Intercaravan due to low routewidth. (firstname.lastname@example.org)