(updated 9 Jan 08)

Drek provided by Cad and Bucko

See? This wasn't as hard as most of you expected...and for a first-time ever contest we had some pretty funny entries. Now, just to let you know Bucko and I are going to take turns picking each winner each week...i.e., he picks the birth/death day one, I pick the history one...next time around he picks the history one...etc. But, we both pick all the others, regardless of who is picking which "overall winner" and we both can comment on anything we damn well please. I haven't figured a way of throwing it all together yet for "reading pleasure" so I'm just going to toss it all together...you'll have to figure out which is which. I have faith in everyone...but if it's funnier, feel free to think the birthday one is the history one and vice versa.

The winner of the "Name the Contest" portion of this was LouMizzou@yahoo.com who wins a whopping 50 Rat's Asses for doing so. The new name (which will get a header as soon as we do one up) is "Double Date".

20 December 1894 - On this day in history, England beat Australia by 10 runs in the 1st six-day Test Cricket.

21 December 1937 - We'd like to wish a happy 70th birthday to Jane Fonda...

Due to a transposition in the date, George Orwell's famous novel was declared complete. (seeker@vcoms.net)

Of course, anyone would get the runs if they were eating crickets. (e-marlon@sio.midco.net)

Earning unseen gray hair one strand at a time. (vinyllover45@yahoo.com) "Tower? The landing strip is getting kind of hazy...."

Nominated for the Oscar for best supporting actress of the Writers' Strike. (vinyllover45@yahoo.com)

...who's enjoying retirement sitting on golden puddle. (mitchwatts@yahoo.com)

However, a bunch of nuns whomped England, 'cause nobody's faster with crickets than they are (DaphnetheRed@yahoo.com) If you didn't get that, then you weren't emotionally traumatized by metal-tipped yardsticks.

On the seventh day, Australia went surfing and left England in a fog. (Onefriendsreply2@aol.com)

...you're starting to look more and more like your father at that age. (tpanner@hotmail.com) At THAT age?? She always did if you ask me.

I hear she's been offered a role in "On Golden Barbarella's In-Law". Of course she can only work 9 to 5. (guitartexn@aol.com)

Also, on this date, the battered remains of the first husband who lied about being at the Cricket Match were found stuffed in a chips fryer at the nearby pub. Thus, the tradition of getting fried at the pub after a match was born. (GerriHan65@aol.com) Wow - not only an entry but a whole damn pseudo-parable WITHIN the entry...I'm so impressed I can't even think of the word I'm trying to think of. Fable? Or am I just Aesopping up after you? ;) Nah, it's not a fable either...10 points to the person who comes up with the word I was trying to think of...it's still driving me crazy.

On the second day, France surrendered. (DOrr221@comcast.net)

Apparently the Australian players were distracted by the scandalous amount of ankle displayed by the cheerleaders for the English team. (tpanner@hotmail.com)

So much for breaking the sex machine in Barbarella. (skibip@aol.com)

Whose new line of workout equipment involves cutting a tennis ball in half. (mitchwatts@yahoo.com) What's impressive is the body part she uses to do it with.

Jane's not looking bad for her age. Or mine :( (DaphnetheRed@yahoo.com)

Too bad her "over 60 and frisky" nude aerobics video has been banned in 14 countries for cruel and inhumane punishment. (jaberwock@yahooy.com)

Afterwards, Australia beat England in a spirited 45 minute contest of "I'm Gonna Crack Your Skull With A Cricket Bat". (tpanner@hotmail.com) The Scots, of course, crack skulls with their own skulls, leading to the first giving of head on a playing field.

That was a test. The real game should last another 10 days. (vinyllover45@yahoo.com)

Also, 9 months later, a team of rugby players were found to have fathered several new additions to the cricket players' families. Way to use your balls, boys!! (GerriHan65@aol.com) Apparently, they DON'T have brass ones.

...who must be happy to see the hate mail from disgruntled Vietnam War vets drop to only one bag a day. (tpanner@hotmail.com)

...we'd like to, but her pedometer indicates she's only thirty-five since she's been walking backwards since 1972. (Onefriendsreply2@aol.com) Explains her politics, doesn't it?

We'd like to wish a happy 70th birthday to Jane Fonda... Yet we have common sense so we wont. (DOrr221@comcast.net)

Congratulations for remaining fuckable well into your 50s. (tpanner@hotmail.com) Oh, she is sooo going to kick your ass for that remark...and she can do it...she works out, does aerobics, yoga, kegels... Ugh...I just grossed myself out for a minute there. Speak for yourself!

A total of four days were spent explaining the rules, one day was spent quelling laughter over the terminology and one day was spent playing the game. (archerjoe@hotmail.com)

The winners:

Ironically, because all the spectators had left days before...the only thing the players could hear in the stands were...crickets...

And because it was only a test, the real game took place the following afternoon. (vinyllover45@yahoo.com)

Though she keeps flip-flopping on this issue...

Well, Jane, no more 69. (tphyll@aol.com)