(1 Mar 06)

The winner: fparsons@yahoo.com...who will receive a signed cartoon rendering of their entry:



Voting Results:
Stu: 25%
fparsons: 75%

The Runners-Up:

"Did you say 'illusionist' or 'delusional'? Because they kinda sound the same over that humming sound." (robtone247@yahoo.com)

"I can't help but feel you could be doing something more useful than reading me my Last Rites." (changetion@gmail.com)

"I'm having my doubts about this 'back-alley' circumcision." (deweywins@yahoo.com)

"At least I've got something for my blog today." (shep@compascable.net)

"I know James Bond would have something suave and witty to say right now, but I just wet myself." (bhsmrtgrrl@yahoo.com)

A: "Tell my kids it's not their fault. They can't help being such hopeless losers." (tpanner@hotmail.com)

The new method of carrying out capital punishment in the state of Oregon created quite a buzz. (maxcel200@aol.com)

"Mom was right, Dad...you ARE a mean drunk." (shep@compascable.net)

For Harry's funeral, The EZ Go Mortuary did a great job with the patching and the makeup but they just couldn't remove those dratted splinters from his ass. (maxcel200@aol.com)

Bubble: "I blame this on my wife. This morning she told me I'm not half the man I used to be." (pjb1671@yahoo.com)

A. "Don't give me that ashes to ashes, sawdust to sawdust crap!" (maxcel200@aol.com)

"Well, I've been on more comfortable psychiatric couches, but I have to admit, Doc, you 'saw' right through to the 'roots' of my problem when other shrinks were stumped!" (AuntShecky711@aol.com)

Bubble A: "Hey! When I saw this trick in Vegas, they used a box and a drape. I think we're missing some props." (pjb1671@yahoo.com)

"So, you're saying this will get rid of my back problem?" (lola227@msn.com)

A: "It's too late for me. I'm just not smart enough to figure out how to roll off this conveyor belt." (tpanner@hotmail.com)

"When you said I was dead wood, I thought it was just an expression." (toohip4rm@aol.com)

Man: "So this is what your hardware store's sign meant when it said 'half off on power tools, free demo'!" (maxcel200@aol.com)

"Are you sure this the right procedure for curing a split personality, Doctor?" (Airfarcewon@aol.com; old.curmudgeon@hmoforum.com)

"And now, Mr. Bond...you will tell me the secrets. No...wait..." (williemelmoth@aol.com)

"I don't have TIME for Confession, Father, just go straight to the Last Rites!" (stigg@cs.com)

"I know there is no warning label saying not to do this, but are you sure this is the best way to get a lawsuit against the manufacturer?" (rampage1984@msn.com)

"Dude, don't be a buzz kill." (leven11amy@yahoo.com)

"I can't quite put my finger on it, but there's something really different about your couch, Doc...." (cmndrnineveh@aol.com)