(25 Aug 04)

The winner: robertellingsworth@yahoo.com...who will receive a signed cartoon rendering of their entry:

Stu's Original


Voting Results:
Stu: 56%
robertellingsworth: 44%

The Runners-Up:

"Tell me...are you curious as to how I EAT out here with no animals to hunt...?" (cmndrnineveh@aol.com)

"The meaning of life? Beats the hell out of me. I still haven't figured out the meaning of 'Twin Peaks.'" (AuntShecky711@aol.com)

"So all I have to do is sign the contract, and you'll do the rest? I sure hope the world is ready for the ascetic diet." (khalazdad@adelphia.net)

"The spiritual laws prohibit me from leaving the mountain, even if I AM being subpoenaed for court." (marymarg27608@yahoo.com)

"The beauty of being in this strait jacket is that I literally can't sign up for life insurance." (kayladykay@aol.com)

"And then, on my father's side of the family we are related to Steven Segal through his reincarnation." (marymarg27608@yahoo.com)

"Enlightened? No! Insane." (kamasushi@aol.com)

"You're a door to door salesman? Surely you can see, I have no door." (phil@aol.com)

"Great!!! You made it..ya know when I heard that Hair Club For Men made cave calls...I could barely contain my silence!!" (allen018@aol.com)

"I already save a whole lot on my car insurance, I don't buy any." (ehross@aol.com)

"How are The Beatles doing?" (robertellingsworth@yahoo.com)

"I'd invite you in but my coffee maker is on the blink, my microwave burned out, my computer crashed and my TV signal went out... not really, just playing with your head!" (maxcel200@aol.com)

"I decided to take a vow of poverty. It was just a coincidence it happened right after I lost my ass in the stock market." (lexkase@san.rr.com)

"So when they find out my advice is worthless, nobody thinks its worth the climb to ask for their money back!" (skibip@aol.com)

"Eh, I was going bald anyway, and this was cheaper and easier than getting a hair transplant." (joseph.blevins@verizon.net)

"Just sign over all of your possessions to me and you'll get your own robe and cave and the right to 20% of the possessions of anyone you can sign up." (MaislosMom@comcast.net)

"You and your money will be perfectly safe here, Mr. Murdock. As they explained to you, we're an offshoot of the Jehova's Witness Protection Program." (maxcel200@aol.com)

"No, I'm not 'The Wise One'...he's down there drinking champagne with the hookers." (Cantw82paint@Aol.com)

"Yeah..O.K.,You got me, I'm Dick Cheney...so, how the heck did you find me?" (Airfarcewon@aol.com)

"I have reached spiritual enlightenment, I have no need for double glazing." (phil@aol.com; meg@aol.com)

"The plus side is, with these robes there's never ever a wedgie!" (chharget@aol.com)

"Alright ..people are watching from below, so be cool...slowly remove the cheeseburger from your briefcase and slide it over...easy!!!" (allen018@aol.com)

"So by grafting my elbows to my hips, I have achieved true happiness, my son." (mrxsandmanx@yahoo.com)

"Say, could you scratch my nose for me?" (Cantw82paint@Aol.com; robertellingsworth@yahoo.com)

"Well, I do have to leave the cave occasionally. When I go to the village, I take the Karma Ghia!" (paracletus3@aol.com)

"I'm fairly confident the whole female orgasm thing is a lie." (william.fishburne@verizon.net)

"Welcome to the original 'Survivor!'. If I do not like you, I will simply push you off the mountain." (HerzogVon@aol.com)

a: "Oh great Sensai, tell me... what can I do to escape stress." B: "Confucius say... climb the nearest mountain--your wife will never find you here." (Quarterhorse06@aol.com)

"No, Mr. Trump, you don't have to divest yourself of all of your worldly possessions... just your hair stylist!" (maxcel200@aol.com)