(26 Dec 03)

The winner: darkmanwork@hotmail.com...who will receive a signed cartoon rendering of their entry:

Stu's Original


Voting Results:
Stu: 75%
darkmanwork: 25%

The Runners-Up:

"It's from my dentist. He says 'Go ahead and eat everything in sight monkey-boy, I'll see you early next year!'" (DeepThought07@aol.com)

Dialogue (reading card): Happy Celebration of the Christian Observed Holiday, "Christmas". Caption: When Political Correctness Has Gone Too Far. (jamesmon2000@hotmail.com)

"....our client, Mr. Claus, was seriously burned on your premises during a recent visit due to your negligence in allowing a hazardous condition to exist in your fireplace. If you have insurance, please forward this letter to your broker immediately so as to protect your coverage. If you do not have insurance, please contact us...." (ukkfayooyay@aol.com)

"Thank you for purchasing a Victor's Holiday Tree. You have successfully contributed to the deforestation of the planet." (MOONBUNCH01@aol.com)

"Only a real asshole would enclose a subpoena in their Christmas Card." (rampage1984@msn.com)

"Man, that Paris Hilton sure knows how to take a Christmas card picture." (lexkase@san.rr.com)

Your stocking is hung on the mantle with care, but it's the only thing hung in this house so I am outta here. (Dspur57098@aol.com)

"It's a card from the electric company thanking us for our lighting display." (mykehalpinstudio@aol.com)

"Honey, why are we getting thank you cards from the credit card people?" (nwcstlgirl@aol.com)

You'll get your presents when you leave cookies & beer!-----Santa (jdcoops3@aol.com)

Unfortunately, Bob realized far too late that he had accidentally switched the naughty letter he wrote to his wife with the Holiday Greeting card for his boss...He'll have a lot to explain on Monday. (Yellomonkeez@aol.com)

"Since that episode of Seinfeld, Grandma's been showing nipple every year in her Christmas photos." (khalazdad@adelphia.net)

"Slide hanger through small wire loop attached to top of ornament..." Honey? After you've finished putting Billy's bike together can you help me with this? (Kaki775@aol.com)

Dear Bob,
Merry Christmas, you great big jerk.
You're on the drugs and out of work,
So I'm running off with ol' St. Nick.
Besides he's got a bigger...

A victim of a Christmas heist, John reads aloud a "Thank You" note left behind by thoughtful burglars. (tenaciousfiend24@sbcgobal.net)

Honey, I got the new part time job playing Santa so you will need to fix your own dinner. Lucky me, they were looking for someone with experience of only coming once a year. (dspur57098@aol.com)

The super glue on the Christmas card was evil, but the naked picture of his Mom inside the card was more than Dave's heart could stand. (darkmanwork@hotmail.com)

Roses are red, Violets are blue, Merry Christmas for me, Because I've just left you. Your wife (for now), Susie PS. Get a JOB, you BUM! (BPaul317@aol.com)

"It looks like Santa left us a bill for chimney sweeping service this year." (StanYan1@aol.com)

"Sweetheart, ever notice that every year we get dozens of unpostmarked cards containing cash and addressed to 'Bambie'?" (BPaul317@aol.com)

Unaware of his impending doom, and distracted by a serious papercut, Dudly walks right into the new 'razor tree' he just had installed. (kamasushi@aol.com)

"It's a card from the Satellite TV Company, Santa can't land on the roof unless we move the dish." (Cantw82paint@Aol.com)

'Dear Marty, your Christmas present is in the bedroom under the covers :) ' "Dammit, not bedsheets again!!!" (Mistahtom@aol.com)