(29 Jan 04)

The winner: mrxsandmanx@yahoo.com...who will receive a signed cartoon rendering of their entry:

Stu's Original


Voting Results:
Stu: 14%
mrxsandmanx: 86%

The Runners-Up:

"Come on. Somebody has to have something nicer to say about him than 'His brother was worse.'"(lexkase@san.rr.com)

"And in conclusion, John is going to a better place but I bet no one out there would take his place right now would you? I didn't think so!!! (steve_medel@oxy.com)

"Mister Clinton, if you could kindly put away the Champagne until after Hillary's funeral..." (khalazdad@adelphia.net)

"Hey, is this thing on? Haha, just jokin' folks, but seriously......." (redbarron1010@aol.com)

"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to pay tribute to this wonderful wooden box... alright, who's been screwing with the eulogy?" (spjk2k@aol.com)

"It's ironic, in a way, usually life pulls the rug out from 'under' us." (L1061S@go.com)

"Bill wasn't a bad man, if you allow for the fact that the deadbeat still owes me seven bucks....!" (cmndrnineveh@aol.com)

"Normally I'd say something eloquent to ease everyone's pain, but hell, we're all glad he's gone. Let's cut this short and go get some booze." (monica7275@yahoo.com)

"And to those of you who remarked at the viewing 'He looks so natural,' all I can say is you should have seen him last week!" (skibip@aol.com)

"...And finally, we'll all pray that you weren't buried alive by accident." (StanYan1@aol.com)

"Sorry I'm late, but let's face it, he's not going anywhere." (Cantw82paint@Aol.com)

A: "And another lawyer ascends..." B (coffin): "I'm not dead yet!" Caption: Still arguing. (william.fishburne@verizon.net)

"I would like to say that everyone loved Mr. Smith, but I am a man of the cloth and I can't lie." (marymarg27608@yahoo.com)

"We have a small crowd here...all the relatives are busy contesting the Will." (Cantw82paint@Aol.com)

Fritz, the mad mortician, had once again decided to place the brain on top of the casket in an attempt to display his handiwork while simultaneously grossing out Rev. Weakliver just for the hell of it. (That's Rembert Weakliver of the Milwaukee Archydialysis.) (HerzogVon@aol.com)

"Who had last Tuesday in the betting pool?" (MooseSpeak@earthlink.net)

"Unfortunately, only Sam's brain remained intact. But his wife wanted a viewing anyway, so..." (rochford@netaus.net.au)

"Bob always appreciated a good joke...it's just a pity that biker gang didn't." (Chharget@aol.com)

"Alright, who threw the shower drain hair glob on the casket?!" (darkmanwork@hotmail.com)

Bob Monkhouse's one man show, "Pastor Singing Four-hour Eulogy" flopped on Broadway. (khalazdad@adelphia.net)

"Dearly beloved, we are gathered hair, uh, I mean here today to remember our friend Joe..." (pat123z@aol.com)

"I guess I was wrong, I could bore someone to death." (witsend@sevinex.com)