(3 Jan 05)

The winner: threetreeshill@yahoo.com...who will receive a signed cartoon rendering of their entry:

Stu's Original


Voting Results:
Stu: 37%
threetreeshill: 63%

The Runners-Up:

"On behalf of 18,267,449 6-year olds worldwide, whom you have allegedly deemed "naughty", this is your summons to court in a class-action lawsuit against you for defamation of character." (tmhayes18@cfl.rr.com)

"The Elves are suing you for 800 years of back wages and overtime." CAPTION: Johnny Cochran meets Santa. (richdiandkids@optonline.net)

"Now listen Up! You don't say, "Little boy" ; you say, "Little man." You don't say, "Little girl"; you say, "Little lady." Don't say, "Ho Ho Ho" or we'll be sued by the Hostess Baking Company. Don't ask a kid if he/she has been good; you'll ruin their little psyches. Don't mention Christmas--it has religious connotations. Don't talk about elves--pisses off the Little People, and some groups think of elves as having voodoo connections. Don't mention getting presents. Some families stress giving, not getting--and some kids won't be getting presents anyway. In fact, don't talk at all, or we run the risk of trouble from the ACLU. Just sit there pleasantly-- and dammit, keep a smile on your face. After all, this is the Holiday season!" (pjb1671@hickorytech.net)

"Kobe Bryant sent you two lists of people...those that are naughty and those that are nice." (maxcel200@aol.com)

"The list on your right is what your wife wants you pick up at the market." (SSCompose@aol.com)

"After each child tells you what they want, be sure to read them this product liability disclaimer statement." (Truckerex@insightbb.com)

"...and then in 1957 you forgot to bring a hula hoop.... Let's see... oh yes, 1958...." (lr2hip4rm@aol.com)

"Here's the list of toys that have been recalled that you have to pickup." (dorr@jam.rr.com)

"This indemnifies you from any harm done by promising children you will bring expensive toys." (william.fishburne@verizon.net)

"The short one is the list of discrimination and labor laws you broke. The long one is a list of what I want for Christmas." (jenalt2001@yahoo.com)

"Impersonating a celebrity, flying without a license, playing with little girls on your lap, being judgmental, breaking and entering....shall I read more, or do you just want to sign this legal representation contract now." (skibip@aol.com)

"Here's a list from my kids and a lawsuit in case you don't actually deliver this time." (tpanner@inorbit.com)

"This is the official report and civil suit from the Affirmative Action office. It says you're discriminating against workers taller than three feet." (ldolphin34@hotmail.com)

"The chimney sweeps are finally asking you either to cease and desist or join their union." (humorbear@aol.com)

"Santa, I'm Tom from the IRS..." (badancegrl@aol.com)

"I am sorry, Santa, but these are the only good children left in the world." (moonbunch01@aol.com)

"Santa, Your VISA bill arrived." (richdiandkids@optonline.net)