(updated 11 Jul 09)  

Top Ten Signs You Have a Slutty Flight Attendant

10. She shows you HER seat instead of yours. (Airfarcewon@aol.com)

9. Has a unique way of making sure everything is in the full upright and locked position for takeoff. (astae@paonline.com)

8. Asked several passengers if they would like to visit her "cockpit". (jbray4@roadrunner.com; L2893S@Gmail.com)

7. She tells you she has only one more person to initiate into the "Mile High Club" to win that trip to Hawaii. (tpanner@hotmail.com)

6. Says the drinks are on her...and with luck, you could be next. (rte.99@sbcglobal.net)

5. "Pretzels, Sir? Gosh, I'm afraid we're all out; would a hand job do as well?" (seeker@vcoms.net)

4. She mentions that the pillows make wonderful knee pads. (giuntas404@comcast.net)

3. She tells you they are expecting violent turbulence, and offers to sit on your lap to hold you down. (Truckerex@comcast.net)

2. The "Landing Strip" hairstyle for down there? She invented it. (archerjoe@hotmail.com)

This is also the number one reason she never got that job at "Virgin" airlines...

1. She offers to help you get off...but you are still cruising at about 20,000 feet! (ronxian@bak.rr.com)

Because I haven't updated in a while - and because I liked them...here's the ones that almost made it...in no particular order...except this one - because it was way too easy and way too obvious...

She's Sarah Palin. (retrometro@rogers.com)

Okay...now the ones that almost made it...

When the pilot requests permission for takeoff, she says "Take off what?" (retrometro@rogers.com)

Your pretzel sticks arrive with the salt already sucked off. (mcsestretch@gmail.com)

She asks the male passengers... coffee, tea, or ME? (AntKitty@antics.org; arlenekader@aol.com)

There's a faint buzzing sound every time she passes your seat. (sheafitz1@netscape.com)

She lists "Mile High Club" with Bill Clinton on her resume. (jrgracey1@aol.com)

Keeps asking me if I would like a drink and my nuts warmed. (flynnkj19@aol.com)

Preflight instructions - how to evacuate, how to put on drop-down air mask, how to use seat cushion as floatation device, how to join 30,000 foot club .......... (TZMAC@aol.com)

She refers to her mouth as over "head" storage. (CherylKobal@gmail.com)

She asks if Frank Gifford is on this flight. (giuntas404@comcast.net)

She's a member of "The Every Height Club". (rider1@dishmail.net)

She offered everyone on the plane "Coffee, Tea, or S.T.D.?" (edprocoat@msn.com)

Everybody gets to join the "Mile High Club", the "Half-mile High Club", the "Quarter-mile High.... (muhltrayne@yahoo.com)

The last ten men who asked for extra pillows have her phone number too. (ldolphin34@hotmail.com)

You can hear the pilots giggle when she mentions the "friendly skies". (giuntas404@comcast.net)

The phone number she gives you is the same one that is in the airplane bathroom. (StickyPickle@aol.com)

Heaves a breathy sigh when she hears the word "cockpit". (guitartexn@aol.com)

Uniform emblazoned with corporate logos for Viagra, Trojans and Hotels.com. (rte.99@sbcglobal.net)

You see her kiss all the luggage handlers goodbye before boarding. (rte.99@sbcglobal.net)

Your pillow isn't the only thing she fluffed. (jdcoops3@aol.com)

Excellent use of the stripper pole during the "oxygen mask" talk. (YeIIowRoseOTX@aol.com)

Has a whole vest full of "Mile High Club" pins. (flynnkj19@aol.com)

She tells you that the ride may get a little rough...but she's not talking about the weather! (ronxian@bak.rr.com)

I like her. (seeker@vcoms.net)

Too little stress on "pea", too much stress on "NUTS." (TyleredOne@aol.com)

The beverage cart is covered with notches. (archerjoe@hotmail.com)