(updated 13 Jul 08)  

Top Thirty-Three Warnings 'Victoria's Secret' Plans To Put On Their Garment Labels

Okay, call me lazy...but I already took my Ambien and still plan on writing a blog tonite...plus most of these were just too good to just toss out...so it's another, um...well endowed...Top Ten list...

33. Our secret? Men like boobies! (guitartexn@aol.com)

32. WARNING: Contents of package may have settled. Contents packaged by weight not volume. (muhltrayne@yahoo.com)

31. WARNING: Removal of this undergarment may lead to sleepless nights, floor burns, pickle cravings and searching the Internet for baby names. (ldolphin34@hotmail.com)

30. Objects in bra may be smaller than they appear. (rod.renner@juno.com; loonalupe@rogers.com)

29. Made In China. Hurry up -- in other words, get the lead out! (tphyll@aol.com)

28. Padded bras do not act as a sufficient flotation device. (AntKitty556@aol.com)

27. WARNING: You could have purchased a similar item at Wal-Mart for half the price. (YeIIowRoseOTX@aol.com)

26. WARNING: Once on, crowbar may be needed to remove garment from ass crack. (arlenekader@aol.com)

25. WARNING: this product does not protect against sexually transmitted diseases, buyer's remorse, or that sinking feeling that you've just made it with a chick that's WAAAAY too high maintenance. (kirstenlmsw@gmail.com)

24. Use proper eye protection when attempting to gnaw off garment (giuntas404@comcast.net)

23. WARNING: For best results, remove this garment slowly.....but oh so completely! (skibip@aol.com)

22. Batteries sold separately. (giuntas404@comcast.net)

21. Panties useless if not worn--Got that, Britney? (retrometro@rogers.com)

20. WARNING: If you were a jackass and messed up, take her flowers...not this. (lhill@bryant.edu)

19. These panties will shrink in hot water. Which is more than we can say about your ass. (rayj0109@gmail.com)

18. If you wear this there won't be much to keep secret. (tphyll@aol.com; YeIIowRoseOTX@aol.com)

17. WARNING: Pretty and pink doesn't make you less of a slut. (arlenekader@aol.com)

16. WARNING: Product is not, repeat not, a thong. If it feels like one, return for the proper size. (rayj0109@gmail.com)

15. May cause swelling (in your partner) (grumpchong@gmail.com; rod.renner@juno.com)

14. Do not attempt to remove this while driving or operating machinery. (rod.renner@juno.com)

13. A tattoo will get you more of what you want. (seeker@vcoms.net)

12. If this thong makes you look like a stick of butter left out all day wrapped in a rubber band, do us all a favor and do not purchase. (muck55@aol.com)

11. WARNING! Pregnancy may result from wearing this garment. (mashallaha@aol.com; rod.renner@juno.com)

10. WARNING: Pushup bra and garter belt will self-destruct in 5 years. After that, it's granny panty city! (rayj0109@gmail.com)

9. Flying objects are most likely your husband's shirt buttons. (tpanner@hotmail.com)

8. CAUTION: Contents May Be Hot. (Kamasushi@gmail.com)

7. WARNING: These garments will not transform your 240 lb wife into a size 4 model. Only 2 cases of beer will do that. (mikepena@socal.rr.com)

6. In the event of erections lasting longer than four hours, put on a flannel nightgown, and start talking about either baseball or your mother. (MrglsJon@aol.com)

5. WARNING: She may wear this for the pool boy. Are you sure THIS is what you want to buy her? (lhill@bryant.edu)

4. WARNING: Make sure you go over every inch of the backseat before going home to your wife. She WILL find me. (arlenekader@aol.com)

3. Do not remove this tag. It is actually the "bottoms" to the bikini. (ronxian@bak.rr.com)

2. WARNING: This is a teddie...not a grizzly. Please be sure to wax before putting on. (arlenekader@aol.com)

Surprise! Victor has a secret, too...

1. WARNING: May Contain Nuts (loonalupe@rogers.com)