(updated 15 Nov 07)  

Top Ten Signs You're the Most Annoying Patient On Your Hospital's Floor

You write about it in your blog. (banks.del@gmail.com) Hey...this one hits too close to home...now the REAL list...yes, more than ten again, I'm still not well enough to narrow things down. But because I didn't update anything on Veteran's Day...all these people get double Rat's Asses...yeah yeah...read the forum once in a while, you'd know what I was talking about...

16. You spent three hours trying to convince the morgue your chart was wrong. (mitchwatts@yahoo.com)

15. Several of the nurses on your floor have commented to you on how easy it is to forge your attending doctor's signature (it's just a long wavy line, up and down, up and down with a dot near the end) and continue to leave your discharge form and a pen up where you can reach it... (sootnmoopy@aol.com)

14. Whenever they take blood you ask for a receipt. (Airfarcewon@aol.com)

13. You told your doctor that your sphincter was sore and he wrote down on the chart hung at the foot of the bed "PAIN IN THE ASS!" (rod.renner@juno.com)

12. All the get well soon cards you receive are from the hospital staff. (FiremanJersey@gmail.com)

11. You overhear the nurses playing "Rock, Paper, Scissors" just before someone enters. (JTulli@Juno.com; tphyll@aol.com)

10. All of my roommates have requested and subsequently been put into "medically induced comas." (wayne.dude@yahoo.com)

9. Whenever you push the button to summon the nurse, it gives you an electrical shock. (lilfishjean@sbcglobal.net)

8. Staff keep trying to lure 'Death Predicting Cat' into your room. (seeker@vcoms.net)

7. What are the odds of getting the wrong medication six days in a row? (jaynashvil@aol.com)

6. It turns out that stuffing red Jell-O in your ears and then claiming that you are having a brain hemorrhage really wasn't that funny. (rsherman@netplexgroup.com)

5. You frazzle them so much that they call 911. (vinyllover45@yahoo.com)

4. They take your vital signs monitor to play World of Warcraft. (brat.cat@verizon.net)

3. Someone keeps erasing "biopsy" on your chart and writing "autopsy". (mitchwatts@yahoo.com)

2. The nurse may say it's a glucose drip, but it sure smells like formaldehyde. (jaynashvil@aol.com)

Could be worse...they could wheel you into the tuberculosis ward first...

1. Instead of a sponge bath, the staff takes turns spitting on you. (brat.cat@verizon.net)