(updated 23 Oct 07)  

Top Ten Reasons Why Surfing the Internet Is Better Than Sex

Well, I haven't been out of the hospital long enough to take the time to narrow it down to just ten...so what the heck...here's a bunch...

24. Um, I'm not sure I understand the difference between the two? (grumpchong@gmail.com)

23. With sex it takes too long to "boot up" if you know what I mean. (tpanner@hotmail.com)

22. The Internet doesn't keep following you around after you're done using it. (mahoneycjm@comcast.net)

21. You can do it over and over again without waiting 10 minutes. (rod.renner@juno.com)

20. What is sex? Can I find it on Wikipedia? (lhill@bryant.edu)

19. Typing "LOL" is easier than faking an orgasm... (lilfishjean@sbcglobal.net)

18. You may pick up a virus online... but not one that makes it burn when you pee. (joseph-blevins@sbcglobal.net)

17. I can go weeks without sex, but I'm on HMO almost every day. (MindgameFiziks@hotmail.com)

16. Sleeping is better than sex. Why not the Internet? (tpanner@hotmail.com)

15. Best I can recall, nobody has laughed at me when I was surfing the Internet. (skibip@aol.com)

14. If you miss a period on the Internet, it's no big deal. (shep@compascable.net)

13. Don't have to think about baseball. (seeker@vcoms.net)

12. The Internet doesn't gripe if you log off after just two minutes, am I right fellas? (lexkase@san.rr.com)

11. According to the brochure I got from my High Speed cable ISP, the Internet is always turned on. As for my wife... (Jdoveraz@aol.com)

10. You don't have to cuddle with Jeeves afterward. (monacof@bellsouth.net; joseph-blevins@sbcglobal.net)

9. It's kinda tough to get the proper spelling of "chrysanthemum" during sex. (tpanner@hotmail.com)

8. You can't win a ten million dollars in the UK lottery by having sex. (maxcel200@aol.com; jdcoops3@aol.com)

7. Sure, sex is OK, but watching that Numa Numa guy cracks me up. (rbrillo8@yahoo.com)

6. Can't reformat your hoo-hah if you get a virus. (kirstenlmsw@gmail.com)

5. Sex can't get you an illegal download of Halo 3. (tpanner@hotmail.com)

4. You don't really mind if the dog watches you. (shep@compascable.net)

3. Ergonomic mouse makes it easier on my wrist... (grumpchong@gmail.com)

2. You can stop midway and grab a beer. (tphyll@aol.com)

And without all the long-lasting effects etched into your mind...

1. You CAN imagine your parents surfing the Internet. (shep@compascable.net)