(updated 26 Mar 05)  

Top Ten Ways To Get Even With A Morning Person

10. Sleep with them all night. (ldolphin34@hotmail.com)

9. Tell her that CBS has decided to go with a YOUNGER anchorwoman, so "don't quit your 'Today' job." (AuntShecky711@aol.com)

8. Trust me on this. There's a shut-off valve on the hot water heater. When they're in the shower singing "Nothing Could Be Fine-a Than To Be In Carolina...In The Moooooorrrrning' CUT THE GOD DAMN HOT WATER VAVLE OFF!!!!!!! (dennisilvr@aol.com)

7. Buy them a blind owl...(my friend saved one and it never shut the hell up) (Draviin@aol.com)

6. Coffee Swirly (old.curmudgeon@hmoforum.com)

5. Buy him (or her) an all expense paid trip to somewhere half way around the world. It will mess him up for the rest of his life. (e-marlon@sio.midco.net)

4. You can't...we've already been up since 4:30 this morning, planning our defenses against your late, lazy, half-assed attacks! (Jdoveraz@aol.com)

3. A good swift kick in the groin usually does the trick. (shep@compascable.net; thedraugr@yahoo.com)

2. I'm sorry, but sometimes you just have to kill a morning person. The consequences are bad, but may be worth it. (dennisilvr@aol.com)

Or just tape 'The Nanny'...and save yourself the buck ninety-five...

1. Give a gift of a year's worth of wake up calls from Fran Drescher. (MrglsJon@aol.com)