(updated 29 Aug 07)  

Top Ten Perks to Having a Heat Wave

Oh...it's been twice as hot as usual...so I picked twice as many...

20. Finally something that makes you more miserable than listening to the chicks on "The View." (lexkase@san.rr.com)

19. You don't have to cook breakfast. All the eggs come out of the chickens hard-boiled. (GerriHan65@aol.com)

18. They might give you an autograph, even though it's not Shaq. (gerg17@comcast.net; BoyWonder1911@yahoo.com)

17. Something to reminisce about this winter when you're freezing your buns off. (kamasushi@gmail.com)

16. Nobody notices your hot flashes. (tpanner@hotmail.com; lacee7700@aol.com)

15. Mother-in-laws are very susceptible to heat stroke. (GrigsbyOK@hotmail.com)

14. Getting to punch out the people who consistently say, "It's not the heat, it's the humidity!" (tygrkhat40@yahoo.com; TheEyeWit@yahoo.com)

13. Pizza delivery finally arrives still hot. (smmfd1@aol.com)

12. We all get to see Vladimir Putin walk around topless. Wait a minute, you said "perk" I thought you said "puke." (AuntShecky711@aol.com)

11. You can lick a flagpole with virtually no danger of your tongue sticking to it. (grumpchong@gmail.com)

10. Now you have an excuse for sitting on the porch in your underpants. (tpanner@hotmail.com)

9. Everybody gets to be a hottie. (gerg17@comcast.net)

8. That old refrigerator in your garage actually feels cold. (tpanner@hotmail.com)

7. Now EVERYONE'S grass in the neighborhood looks like mine! (lhill@bryant.edu; tpanner@hotmail.com)

6. You get to practice your groveling skills with the over-booked AC repair guy (shep@compascable.net)

5. Hookers lower their prices, so they can hop in your air conditioned car. (Airfarcewon@aol.com)

4. Your New Hampshire cactus farm is finally turning a profit. (jaynashvil@aol.com)

3. You don't have to go lounge-hopping to see wet T Shirts. (monacof@bellsouth.net)

2. You're less likely to catch a cold when you pass out on your lawn. (rsherman@netplexgroup.com)

Like I ever needed an excuse??...

1. Can finally use "my car melted" as an excuse not to show up for work. (GrigsbyOK@hotmail.com)