(updated 31 Aug 09)  

Top Ten Ways Ruth Madoff's Life Is Going To Change After Being Forced To Give Back All But 2.5 Million Dollars

She'll be forced to play nonsensical games like HMO to get free stuff. (maxcel20@aol.com) She's not THAT bad off. Now to the winners...


10. Lack of money and boredom motivates her to work as a slutty flight attendant. (seeker@vcoms.net)

9. Will have to go through months of counseling to cope with having to drive a Prius. (tpanner@hotmail.com)

8. I don't know about her, but her cat is switching from Fancy Feast to Kozy Kitten. (YeIIowRoseOTX@aol.com)

7. See if 'Stimulus Package' covers mansions. (giuntas404@comast.net)

6. Guess she'll have to drive the camper cross-country again to cover football games and do hardware commercials. Oh wait - that's John Madden. (TZMAC@aol.com)

5. A lot less "DKNY" and a lot more "KFC". (L2893S@gmail.com)

4. Break off affair with pool boy....start affair with prison guard. (giuntas404@comcast.net)

3. Maybe she'll finally get laid, since up until recently, Bernie was screwing everyone else. (guitartexn@aol.com)

2. Who cares. Hey, she still 'madoff' with more than most of us will ever see. (vraith@aol.com)

Hey, the poor slob is saving a bunch just by using single-ply...

1. Will have to change her toilet paper from $100 dollar bills to $20's. (Truckerex@comcast.net)