(updated 3 Jan 08)  

Top Ten Ways To Ruin A New Year's Eve Party
(Oh, think of getting back at your ex, your noisy neighbour, that person you hate most, etc.)

10. Reject a marriage proposal in front of everyone. (BoyWonder1911@yahoo.com)

9. Spike the punch bowl with Syrup of Ipecac. (ankle_jay@comcast.net; guitartexn@aol.com)

8. Hire Gallagher as the caterer. (gerg17@comcast.net)

7. Have Barney Vincelette--who lives in a house shaped like a flying saucer--as the DJ and request his “Sonata for Calliope of Truck Horns About to Be Transcribed for Locomotive Horns Opus No. 1”. (vinyllover45@yahoo.com)

6. Coat all the party favors with alum, then watch the hilarity as the puckers try to blow in the New Year. (guitartexn@aol.com)

5. Set the clocks back ten minutes. (seeker@vcoms.net; Airfarcewon@aol.com)

4. Bring three trays of slides from your trip to the Grand Canyon. (tpanner@hotmail.com; l2893s@gmail.com)

3. Place an ad in the newspaper that reads: ** New Year's Eve Special: Free drop-in baby-sitting ** (Onefriendsreply2@aol.com)

2. As the ball in Times Square drops, show the host your vest covered with hand grenades, and scream "TELL ME WHEN THEY GET TO 3!" (Truckerex@insightbb.com)

Still not the same impact as when you used to drag along Mother Theresa...

1. Invite your cousin the priest and your uncle the police commissioner. (skibip@aol.com)