(updated 7 Apr 05)  

Top Ten Hints you're TOO OLD for 'Spring Break'
(Topic Suggested by AuntShecky711@aol.com)

An extended list...because it's quite overdue and I liked too many to whittle it down to just 10.

16. Girls Gone Wild pixelized your boobs. (MindgameFiziks@hotmail.com)

15. On the drive to the Spring Break location, you wonder aloud where the Burma Shave signs are. (pjb1671@yahoo.com)

14. When you decide to go wild it just kinda makes everybody nauseous. (tpanner@hotmail.com)

13. Both your age and waistline are in the mid 40's. (edprocoat@msn.com)

12. It's not a skull and crossbones tattoo--it's your head. (jaynashvil@aol.com)

11. You realize you're the one walking on the beach wearing brown socks with sandals!! (steve_medel@oxy.com)

10. There is a theory that you are never too old for spring break..................if this is you, you are too old. (sheafitz1@netscape.com)

9. Your boobs are lower than George Busch's approval rating! (bjjtoff@tds.net)

8. Your belly ring just doesn't look cool with the gall bladder surgery scar. (lacee7700@aol.com)

7. You still have the 8-tracks from your last spring break trip. (shep@compascable.net)

6. When you do a striptease you like to start with your dentures. (old.curmudgeon@hmoforum.com)

5. You're going for the seafood. (shep@compascable.net)

4. Overwhelming urge to shout "Does your mother know you're doing that?". (rayj0109@gmail.com)

3. When you discover that 18 Jell-O shots combined with your blood pressure medication makes for a reeeeeeal nice buzz. (ThunderHorse68@aol.com)

2. You already LIVE in Florida. (deweywins@yahoo.com; woactome@yahoo.com)

It's okay...as you'd fall asleep before you'd finish either anyway...

1. Your fantasy eighteen-year-old is a bottle of scotch. (shep@compascable.net)