(updated 7 Apr 07)  

Top Thirty Reasons Why You'd Like To Be a Kid Again
(Suggested by NITRAMXXX@aol.com)

Thirty?  Why? Because I can...so nyah nyah nyah...

30. This time through, there'd be no Captain and Tennille. (williemelmoth@aol.com)

29. Would be nice not to exceed the weight limit whenever I go jumping in the bouncy house. (atwright73@yahoo.com)

28. Would play attention in school this time and get a position in a company instead of a job. (dorr@jam.rr.com)

27. It's not so embarrassing to pick your nose, ear, butt, etc. in front of friends, neighbors and preachers. (rolandman01@hotmail.com)

26. Just go out and play on April fifteenth. (Airfarcewon@aol.com)

25. My 1977 local library fine would be back to $2.00 instead of the "kill-on-sight" bounty it's resulted in over the past 30 years. (G.Anderson4245@comcast.net)

24. Cause people would, like, not make fun of, like, the way I talk. (breadmaker1123@yahoo.com)

23. So I can live long enough to see an end to the war in Iraq. (strontium901@juno.com)

22. Knowing what I know now, I could swear off men and save myself a lot of heartache. (wedrixe@netscape.net)

21. Could poke holes in my dad's condoms & get that little brother that I always wanted to blame everything on. (strontium901@juno.com)

20. So I can figure out what the President is trying to say on his level. (stan@squidworks.com)

19. Angelina could adopt me. (lexkase@san.rr.com)

18. When you yell at the top of your lungs in a public place, you don't get hauled away for observation. (tpanner@hotmail.com)

17. Sears no longer sells Garanimals. (Gawd, I wanna hurt my parents so bad right now.) (CoyPsyche@aol.com)

16. It's so much easier to date school teachers. (rsherman@netplexgroup.com; astae@paonline.com)

15. I'd get to visit Neverland! (mistahtom@aol.com)

14. I would still be allowed in the state of Wyoming. (tjwhite06@earlham.edu)

13. There are a couple of old geezers I'd like to punch in the sack and you just can't get away with that if you're a grown-up. (e-marlon@sio.midco.net)

12. Internet porn sure beats the hell out of a couple of wrinkled up centerfolds. (Eleman8859@aol.com)

11. The neighbors wouldn't get so freaked out when they see me playing with my Star Wars figurines. (tpanner@hotmail.com)

10. MY kid just got back from Spring Break in Acapulco. 'Nuff said ! (skibip@aol.com)

9. I just miss the good ol' days when elevator music was all the same song to me. (CoyPsyche@aol.com)

8. 5.5 percent interest on a typical passbook savings account? Who wouldn't want to be a kid again? (tpanner@hotmail.com)

7. Have you seen the hooters on 14 year-olds lately?? (jdcoops3@aol.com)

6. Two words: "Nap Time" (CoyPsyche@aol.com)

5. It would be nice to need a comb again. (shep@compascable.net; vinyllover45@yahoo.com)

4. There was always that hope that I'd be picked to be on ZOOM! (Chick65@aol.com)

3. Santa Claus, Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy didn't empty MY wallet! (ltldollclaudia@yahoo.com)

2. Living in parents' basement would be slightly less humiliating. (williemelmoth@aol.com)

Yeah...and 8-years-old and drunk...you get mistaken for a child star...

1. Under 21 and drunk: You're a fun dude. Over 21 and drunk: You're an alcoholic. (scalpel@aol.com)