(updated 9 Jun 05)  

10. NOBODY's grandmother dies EVERY weekend. (grumpchong@gmail.com; Jdoveraz@aol.com)

9. You have a cell phone that plays the theme from the movie "Jaws". (vinyllover45@yahoo.com)

8. A telemarketer tells you he dialed the wrong number and hangs up. (maxcel200@aol.com; Airfarcewon@aol.com)

7. When I suggest a social gathering they all remind me of how much fun I could be having at HumorMeOnline... (woactome@yahoo.com)

6. You won the Publishers Clearinghouse top prize; the check was pushed under your door. (tphyll@aol.com)

5. Even Larry, the creepy janitor with the lazy eye and the limp, leaves the break room when you come in. (DLivermore2002@yahoo.com)

4. The Wal-Mart greeter told me to "get my own damn cart!" (e-marlon@sio.midco.net)

3. Hockey mask + bloody axe = no friends (ltldollclaudia@yahoo.com)

2. Never, ever, ever find dog poop on lawn. (rte.99@netzero.com)

Well, why should they be any different from your Mom...

1. You stop at a Motel 6 and they've turned the light out. (Airfarcewon@aol.com)