(updated 10 Nov 04)  

Well, I was too lazy to do the three extra steps for an "almost" category...plus I thought these were all worthy of "front page" notoriety...so, it's our "Ooops...we counted wrong" homage to voting...list...

Top Ten Phone Messages President Bush Left On John Kerry's Answering Machine

17. Who's your daddy, John. WHO'S YOUR DADDY?! (razcactus@netzero.com; rampage1984@msn.com)

16. Hey buddy, just got the lifetime supply of pretzels, thanks! I think I'm going to have one righ...*gasp, cough, choke* Ha! Just kidding. I won! (kamasushi@aol.com)

15. Too bad for you, John...the Polls were wrong. So were the Hungarians, Finns, and Italians. (maxcel200@aol.com)

14. If you'll support my brother's campaign against Hillary in 2008, I'll make sure no unexpected "Ketchup Tariffs" pop up before then. (m.giunta@comcast.net)

13. Even Monica Lewinsky voted for me! She said you democrats have left a bad taste in her mouth. (jnmcda0@yahoo.com)

12. "La-HOOO za-HURR!! [then faintly] He'll never know it's me." *click* (ukkfayooyay@aol.com)

11. You're lucky you didn't win..being President is hard..It's really hard! (Airfarcewon@aol.com)

10. John, this is G.W. You lost and I approved this message. (Pootybrew@goosemoose.com)

9. They told me I got a mandate but you know I'm against mandates...unless they're women. (maxcel200@aol.com)

8. I bet you thought you'd KETCH UP! HAW ! HAW ! HAW ! (DaJakAiss@aol.com)

7. Mr. President?.... sorry WRONG NUMBER ! (DaJakAiss@aol.com)

6. Nice try Kerry, but I finally won my first Presidential election. (SPTirish@aol.com)

5. Guess what color house I'm calling from?!? Nah-nah-nah-nah-nah! (murdoctor@aol.com)

4. John, this is George Bush. PRESIDENT George Bush. Don't feel too bad, old buddy. I have a place for you in my cabinet. Bring a dustcloth and some Pledge. HAHAHAHA. (ukkfayooyay@aol.com)

3. Maybe you can beat me in 2008. (monetmonet@artlover.com; SumrBrezze@aol.com)

2. Didn't know I had a brother in Ohio, did ya...? (cmndrnineveh@aol.com)

Sometimes defeat really sucks...

1. HA HA, I'm the President and now you have to go back to your life of being a Senator, windsurfing and being a billionaire. (dorr@jam.rr.com)