(updated 12 Jul 03)  

Top Ten Surprises During Dick Cheney's Annual Cardiac Exam

10. The Democrats were right: He DOESN'T have a heart. (skibip@aol.com; practically everyone else)

9. His heart was in an undisclosed location. (Baitsmotel6@aol.com; comedian2000@hotmail.com)

8. The Viagra hardened his arteries instead of his...well, you know. (ProUsaChick76@aol.com)

7. A little Scottish voice saying "Aye Captain, I'm giving it all she's got!" (archerjoe@hotmail.com)

6. Puppeteering turns out to be a great cardio workout. (chharget@aol.com)

5. Failure to find any WMD (Warnings of Myocardial Defibrillation). (HerzogVon@aol.com)

4. He doesn't have blood; he has oil. (junkmailmagnet42@aol.com)

3. Ten of the squares on the hospital's "Cheney's Ticker Gives Out On" board were initialed 'GB 2'. (BPaul317@aol.com)

2. "Lub-dub" replaced by "George-dub" (chharget@aol.com)

There's no place like home...land security...

1. Doctors were surprised to find "Emerald City, Oz ®" stamped on the organ...In other news, Bush still waits for his request to be fulfilled. (tireddebb@aol.com)