(updated 13 Feb 03)  

Top Ten Signs You Are About To Get Another Lame Valentine's Day Gift
(Topic suggested by RWich928@aol.com)

10. Two words: Gift Card. (JOSQUARD@aol.com)

9. You're married. (MooseSpeak@earthlink.net; StanYan1@aol.com)

8. You catch her checking sizes in your sock drawer. (deezzine@aol.com)

7. It's wrapped in Christmas paper. (aliciavpromos@aol.com)

6. Receipt from the Dollar Store found stashed in the trash can. (RasGold@aol.com; jiwwags@aol.com)

5. You find tape, glue and nails on the counter...as well as paper and glitter. (iluvfriends247@aol.com)

4. It was sitting on top of my packed suitcases on the front step. (NITRAMXXX@AOL.COM)

3. He presents it to you by shouting "heads up!" (hypnochic73@aol.com)

2. You can read "1000 Free Hours" through the toilet paper wrapping. (fparsons@yahoo.com)

At least he didn't put a heart on it for you...

1. He takes a red ribbon into the bathroom with him. Another, "Hey baby, I put a bow on it for you" routine. (JoyfulDJoy@aol.com)