(updated 13 Jan 05)  

Top Ten Signs You Might Have a Bad Mechanic

First off, I have to say that this Top Ten was one of the hardest to cut down to only 10. I almost ended up doing a Top 30ish list...when you read the "almosts", you'll understand why.

10. The only tools in his garage are a ball-peen hammer, a claw hammer, and a sledge hammer. (stan@squidworks.com; noncomposmentiss@aol.com)

9. The words "thingamajig" and "whatchamacallit" come up far too regularly when he's explaining the work that he's done. (razcactus@netzero.com)

8. Ralph Nader is now using your car in his new Docu-Drama "Unsafe At Any Speed 2". (richdiandkids@optonline.net)

7. After a number of repairs you discover a note on the steering wheel..."Why not walk to work and give us a &^%$# break." (humorbear@aol.com)

6. He admits his first love is Interior Design. (tpanner@inorbit.com)

5. You ask, "What does the 'Check Engine' light mean?" and he replies, "It means you have to write me a check for a new engine." (dart270@geocities.com)

4. He also owns the car rental shop across the street. (archerjoe@hotmail.com)

3. Speaks in complete, articulate sentences. Shop radio tuned to NPR. Wall calendar of Renaissance poets. (seeker@vcoms.net)

2. Still doesn't understand how my ’72 VW is powered by trunk space. (monetmonet@artlover.com)

"If it's a problem...I can always make your horn a little louder..."

1. Wants to know if I'll be wanting to use my brakes for stopping...or just slowin' down. (Truckerex@insightbb.com)

The Ones That Almost Made It