(updated 20 Apr 04)  

Top Ten Ways to Make the Most of the 17-Year Cicada Swarm

10. Are cicadas Atkins friendly? (khalazdad@adelphia.net)

9. Write a song about 'em for Ricky Martin called, "Livin La Vida Locusts"... (Airfarcewon@aol.com)

8. Collect thousands of cicada shells, make yourself a bitchin' throw rug. (cmack411@hotmail.com)

7. Drag out your beer and bug zappers. Let the games begin! (lacee7700@aol.com; LastComicStandng@aol.com)

6. Sell duct tape and plastic. Heck, if it works against mustard gas, it should be great against cicadas. (william.fishburne@verizon.net)

5. Convince the kids that cutting grass during the swarm is just as cool as being on Fear Factor. (m.giunta@comcast.net)

4. One more thing to laugh at the President for mispronouncing. (chharget@aol.com)

3. A fifth of gin, a flashlight, and a badminton racquet are all you need to make this event festive! (RWich928@aol.com)

2. Start a new website "Nearly Legal Cicadas" (just under 18). (RasGold@cox.net)

Listen, bud...you don't want to see what I can do to the water...cooler...

1. Dress up like Moses and threaten your tyrannical boss for better benefits and more time off. (murdoctor@aol.com)