(updated 21 Jan 03)  

Top Ten Rejected Slogans For Condoms

10. Smaller to Fit You Better (sunjonesboro@yahoo.com)

9. Because Cutting Them Off is Just Too Extreme (corabelle@comic.com)

8. Use Your Latex, or She Won't Need Her Playtex (lacee7700@aol.com)

7. Because Hey, She May Have Dated Dennis Rodman (necrodyne@excite.com)

6. Fits Like a Glove if You Had One Finger (deezzine@aol.com)

5. Wear This, or Trade in Your Trans Am For the Astrovan (necrodyne@excite.com)

4. Good to the Last Drop (jedvsjed@aol.com; RasGold@aol.com)

3. Absolutely Painless. You Won't Feel a Thing (Truckerex@wmconnect.com)

2. We Bring No Things To Life (RasGold@aol.com)

All this commercial needs now is Elton singing "Can You Feel the Love Tonight"...

1. The Brand You Can Thrust (SpinyNorma@aol.com)